


Why are you walking with a limp?

by viflow



Category: Merlin (TV), Merthur - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Gwaine, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Episode Fix-it: s05 ep 10, Episode: s05e08 The Hollow Queen related, M/M, Oblivious Arthur, POV Arthur, POV Gwaine, POV Gwen, POV Merlin, Possessive Arthur, Very-very jealous but oblivious Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9578873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viflow/pseuds/viflow
Summary: ‘’ So why don’t you tell us all about her?’’ Arthur inclined his head and looked expectantly at Merlin, he's watching him now, his eyes very focused and very cool. And there's something on his face, something Gwen hasn't quite been able to decipher yet, something that reminded her......





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This episode has been nagging me from the start, just how wretchedly jealous Arthur was. So decided to fix and alter it a bit to my liking.... It'll definietly be explicit in the end. ( It's a bit of my atonement for' Arthur's secret' , which you still keep nagging me about. :-) )

Gwen noticed the servant girl immediately. It was rather hard not to, when Arthur was glaring at her like she had personally wronged him— which was strange, considering not even Gwen had ever seen the girl before in her life.

And she knew for sure, that normally the serving staff was far below Arthur’s notice. Not because he was still treating anyone in the same way he was treating them years ago. No, he simply never bothered to pay attention to them as long as everything was run smoothly.

She shot another glance at Arthur who had an odd, strange expression on his face, something vaguely disapproving what Gwen had never seen before. Blue eyes shifting from Merlin and then to the girl again, he furrowed his brows and ground his jaw.

Then Gwen slanted a look at Merlin who was just being nice, even if he was a little bit fawning over the girl while helping her gattering up the scattered fruits from the floor. He was holding one of the fruits out to the girl and flashing at her his usual, bright smile, he said teasingly with a gleam in his eyes. ‘’If you need help with anything, let me know!’’

The girl reached for the plum and a blush crept up her face as she gazed at Merlin through adoring, hopeful eyes.

And Gwen couldn't help the indulgent smile from spreading on her face, because the two just looked too adorable together.

Her eyes flicking back to Arthur again, Gwen noticed the dark expression on his face when those sky-colored eyes landed on Merlin, registering his attempt at flirting. `

Jaw tightening, there was a flare of anger in Arthur's eyes. Stormy blue eyes snapped to her for an instant before Arthur's usual armor of indifference slipped back on his face.

Expression remaining closed-off, Arthur kept his eyes trained on the ground for the whole time he stormed toward their chamber. He shouted Merlin’s name, and two seconds later he shouted it again impatiently, as if he's already called several times.

 _There was definitely something off about Arthur tonight_ , Gwen thought confused and surprised about Arthur's behaviour. There was a strange knot in her stomach, although she couldn't quite say why. Something- something very important was nagging in the back of her mind, some sort of realisation that felt extremely important... But she couldn’t dwell on it, because she was approached and called away by the steward.

~*~

‘’He’s gone to visit someone." Gwen lied without a second thought.

‘’Who?’’ Arthur asked.

And Gwen couldn’t help noticing the tightening of Arthur's face, the clenching of his jaw and the creasing of his brow.

‘’He is not in danger, he is seeing a girl.’’ Another lie slipped easily out. 

‘’Merlin?!’’ Arthur exclaimed, looking at Gwen with all the disbelief a man could muster.

‘’Gaius, I’m sorry, but there is no reason to worry.‘’ Gwen turned her gaze at the physician, trying to reassure him with a false smile.

‘’Except the poor girl.’’ Arthur said, rolling his eyes, trying to sound funny but only half succeeding, because the tensing of his shoulders and the tight clutch of his fingers at the end of the table said otherwise.

‘’I should have told you but I don’t think he wanted anyone to know.’’ Gwen said with a fabricated act of affection and guilt.

‘’Thank you my lady.’’ Gaius replied politely, but his expression was heavy with displeasure and his gaze told her clearly, he didn’t believe a single world about what she just said.

‘’Good.’’ Arthur declared.

And though a tiny smile stretched across his lips it never reached his eyes and his face gone even tighter. Gwen didn't miss the unconscious jerk of his head, the stiffening of his back, either. Or the way he tried valiantly to conceal his nervousness by shifting through the papers on his desk.

 _Strange, really strange_ Gwen thought, and if she wasn’t under Morgana’s spell... she must have realised earlier what it meant.

Because there were all the signs. Only she would have paid attention to them earlier.

Arthur clapped the physician on his shoulder then raced off, leaving her standing alone with Gaius.

Gaius, who was giving her a look, the one... that if she wasn’t under Morgana’s control she would have shrunk below. Still, she marvelled about how he did it? How he could look searing daggers at her and still speak in that controlled, courteous voice?

~*~

Dinner was a tense affair.

Gwen was trying to engage Arthur in some kind of conversation, but he gave only curt and distracted answers while his eyes were fixed either on the table or gazing at Merlin, eyes assessing- for the whole time.

She might as well have been invisible for all the attention Arthur paid her.

‘’I still can’t believe how lucky I was. I owe that boy my life, and I don’t know who he was or where he’s from.’’ Arthur said with heavy sadness in his voice. "You need to make sure he’s got a decent burial.’’ He ordered Merlin.

‘’I’ll do that.’’ Merlin answered, turning to Arthur. ’’If you’ll allow me the time.’’

‘’Oh. So you can go and visit like girl again.’’ Arthur said, turning his head toward Merlin. 

And though he was aiming for casual, Gwen snapped her head up at the thick accusation in Arthur's voice. And he was looking at Merlin with that look -- all focus, his gaze intense, almost fierce on his face.

And if Gwen’s senses weren’t sharpened under Morgana’s spell, if she hadn’t just spent years recording the different looks on Arthur's features… she might have missed it.

She might have missed how Arthur's knuckles clenched tightly around his utensils, going white from the strain. She might have missed how tense his shoulders were. She might have missed the cold white lines around his mouth as it hardened into a very formidable line. She also might have missed the licks of temper behind his blue eyes, though he was trying hard to give the impression of nonchalance. 

‘’What?!’’ Merlin asked confused, his head snapping sharply up, eyes landing on Arthur's face. 

‘’Giiirl.’’ Arthur drawled the word, aiming and falling miserably to keep his voice easy and slightly taunting.

‘’I don’t have one.’’ Merlin answered with an exasperated sign.

‘’That’s not what Guinevere tells me.’’ Arthur retorted, and though his voice was measured, when Gwen darted another glance at him she was taken aback by his face. Which was pale and serious, and a vein was jumping on his face from the way he was biting the insides of his cheek.

‘’So, why don’t you tell us all about her?’’ Arthur inclined his head and looked at Merlin expectantly. And he was watching him now, his eyes very focused and very cool. And there was something on his face, something Gwen couldn't quite decipher, something that reminded her…… _No. That's stupid, that's foolish, of course it couldn't be…_ Gwen berated herself…. but if she didn’t know better… she might have thought it was something… something very close to…to...jealousy.

Merlin looked even more befuddled for a moment before comprehension passed through his face. ‘’Right.’’ He sighed, catching Gwen’s gaze.

He was walking towards her, levelling her with cool, mocking eyes, and Gwen lifted a brow, daring him to say otherwise.

Merlin’s eyes flashed on her with a power, that if Gwen wasn’t sure it was only Merlin, it would have made her shiver in fright.

‘’And why are you walking with a limp?’’ Arthur’s voice cut through the dining room, the sound sharp and lethal as an arrow from a master archer’s bow.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next one will be of Arthur's POV, but these scenes were always rubbing me off and always wanted to write about and fix them a little.  
> Thanks for theklynnsmith about the excellent ideas.

It's not like there weren't signs.

Most of her memories are blurred images of her time under Morgana's control. She hardly remembers anything she has said or done.

So, she doesn't really know how the notion got into her head, but she knows what lead her to watch Arthur, to watch him closely, with sharp, observing eyes as she has never watched him before.

……......

Merlin was uncharacteristically quiet on their way home. Gwen, just like everyone else close to them became so accustomed to Merlin and Arthur’s constant bickering and easy back-and-forth that Merlin’s quietness just seemed the more unnatural for it.

Certainly, it wasn’t because of the lack of Arthur’s trying.The more withdrawn Merlin became the more it seemed to spur Arthur on to gouge some reaction out of him.

"Honestly, Merlin," Arthur teased. "It's like riding with a petulant child.’’ He gave Merlin's back an exasperated look, eyes flitting heavenward as though seeking strength to deal with him. ’’Although, I’m not sure why I’m surprised, considering the size of your brain.’’

Gwen waited for Merlin to hurl at Arthur one of his surly retorts, but when Merlin turned his head, he only cocked one eyebrow at Arthur and kept his mouth shut. Then, ignoring Arthur completely, he turned back and stared intently ahead.

Gwen looked from Merlin to Arthur and back again, and just laughed. ‘’Don’t be so mean Arthur, leave him be. Apparently he isn’t in the mood to rise to your baits. Although I can’t help but wonder as to what have you done this time to ignite Merlin’s anger." She asked, amusement lacing her tone.

‘’I haven’t done anything." Arthur huffed, glowering at Merlin’s stiff back. "Maybe he hit his head harder than we thought when he fell off the cliff. What of course, wouldn’t have happened in the first place if he wasn’t the clumsiest manservant alive.’’

Gwen looked sidelong at Arthur. With a small smile she realised that Arthur’s angry glower and barbs were at odds with the gentleness and worry in his eyes. What, he covered quickly up when Merlin turned back again and shot an incredulous look at him over his shoulder.

‘’What of course, wouldn’t have happened in the first place if you weren’t such an arrogant, condescending prat and hadn’t insisted on loading me with so many bags.’’ Merlin snapped, apparently completely oblivious to the fact, how entirely inappropriate his words were for him to speak to his King.

Though, Gwen didn’t miss the stunned disbelieve on Mordred face when their eyes met, she was sure that just like Merlin, Arthur wasn't even aware of Merlin’s outrageous insolence either.

Or, he just simply deliberately ignored it. Because if the flash of triumphant gleam in Arthur's eyes, and the way one corner of his mouth curled slightly upward, (which made him look like the cat that got the cream) was any indication-- an angry, insulting Merlin was much preferable to him than a silence, deferential one.

‘’Don’t be ridiculous Merlin!’’ Arthur scoffed, rolling his eyes. And though Gwen could see Arthur's lips quivering with the urge to smile, he refrained from doing so and simply said with a regally arched brow. ‘’You are a servant, believe or not, that’s what servants do. And even though I know how incompetent you are with everything, I still thought even you could manage to carry some bag.''

Merlin's groan was genuine and pure as he leveled Arthur with an imploring glare. ‘’I am a master of competency in putting up with you.'’ He growled back before turning ahead again.

And this time Arthur didn't make an effort to hide his satisfied, big smile at Merlin’s retort.

Surprised by Arthur’s reaction and a bit fascinated, Gwen watched him with amusement.

It was hard to miss the way Arthur's visibly relaxed; the tight, rigid line of his shoulders came down, the vice clutch of his fingers on the rein unwound. He looked absurdly pleased, as if Merlin just gave him the highest compliment.

With a bright smile Arthur looked over at her, then took her hand in his and pressed slightly down, before he said reassuringly.

‘’We’ll make camp soon my dear.’’

~*~

They rode maybe another hour in blisful silence because Arthur did his best to keep his lips shut. Occasionally he glanced at Gwen with a soft smile, but most of the time he kept his eyes firmly on Merlin’s back.

And Gwen couldn't help but observe the way Arthur was looking at Merlin.

His expression went soft all over. An indulgent, unconscious smile ghosted the corner of his mouth as his eyes travelled over Merlin’s frame, assessing.

A horrible suspicion began to sneak into Gwen’s head. Her heart started to pound faster and she rubbed the heel of her hand unconsciously over her breastbone against the ache in her chest. She closed her eyes and inhaled long and deep, trying to swallow down the sudden dryness in her throat.

She breathed deep again as she willed away the thought as a complete, utter foolishness.

Gwen assumed everyone liked Merlin, he was impossible not to be drawn to. There was some attraction about him, almost magnetic, that drew everyone near into the glow of his orbit. He was easy to be around, easy to talk to, easy to listen to and even easier to look at. He was shiny and lively; he seemed to make the world around him a little brighter.

It was quite remarkable, she thought. Merlin didn’t do or say anything so out of the ordinary, and yet people usually were drawn to him like bees to a honeypot.

She was also drawn to him from the start… and so was Arthur.

Gwen knew that under all the mockery, insult and roughhousing that left bruises, Arthur was fond of Merlin and he cared a great deal about him. Theirs was an unusual, very complex relationship, and Gwen knew how much Arthur valued him, how much he laid upon Merlin and his opinion and advise.

In some ways, Merlin was closer to Arthur than anyone, including herself. He knew how to handle Arthur. He knew how to warm Arthur up or nag him back when Arthur was on the edge of self-doubt, hopelessness or sadness. He knew how to make Arthur believe in himself, how to chase away the darkness and doubts in Arthur, and how to make Arthur laugh and smile. Gwen has accepted it, because it has always been the way between these two, right from the start Merlin became Arthur's manservant.

And though, it doesn't seem like that, because Arthur tends to strive to conceal all outward signs of his emotions toward his manservant- Gwen knew, he was Arthur’s closest and best friend. Not that he’d ever admit that to Merlin.

So, she shouldn’t be surprised and shouldn’t conjure up silly, impossible thoughts because Arthur was worried about Merlin. He told Gwen that Merlin took a tumble off a cliff; hit his head so badly that he was unconscious for a long time, so it’s only natural that Arthur is concerned about his friend....or so, Gwen was trying to reassure herself.

………………….

“We’ll camp here,” Arthur’s voice dragged her out of her thoughts.

He grabbed the reigns of her horse and pulled her alongside. He reached out to help her dismounting and when he brought their joined hands to his lips, she felt stupid and guilty about her thoughts earlier. She couldn’t look at Arthur now, not the way her heart was swelling. She nestled herself into Arthur's ready arms and pressed her face into his shoulders. Feeling Arthur’s cradling arms around her, his lips as he brushed them over her head, her tensed body went limp and her throat was aching.

Merlin went about his business with taking care of the horses, laying out bedrolls, and then stalked off to gather wood for the fire. And Gwen couldn’t help but notice, how often Arthur casted a glance to where Merlin disappeared into the woods, while he was assisting Mordred setting up their tent for the night.

Soon, there was a roaring fire and Gwen settled down next to it. With a long sight she stretched out her sore muscles and enjoyed the heat of the flames. She watched Arthur and Mordred talk lightly between themselves as they worked.

Merlin caught her gaze and gave her a full, genuine smile.

‘’ I’m glad to have the real you back. ‘’

And just like that the quilt raised its head again. She apologized for all the awful things Merlin went through because of her, but Merlin just shrugged, his eyes sparkling with mirth.

‘’I’ve been there too, you remember? At least you didn’t want to kill me with a bow.’’ He said with a rueful grin.

And while preparing their evening meal, he was catching her on what happened while she was under Morgana’s control, and before Gwen realized they were laughing and making fun about how terrible an assassin Merlin would be, and which one of them was scarier.

Something loosed in her chest and she felt calm. At peace. Because that was the way Merlin was. He knew how to warm people’s hearts.

~*~

Later, without even looking at him, Merlin handed a bowl of stew to Arthur when he joined them. Then he sat down next to Mordred on the opposite site of the fire to eat his own, talking quietly to him.

For whatever reason, it seemed that Merlin’s silence and bad mood was only reserved for Arthur.

"By all means Merlin, I’ve never thought to live to the blissful day, I’ll be spared from your mindless chatter.’’ Arthur was goading Merlin, his lips curling into a cocky smile. ’’That’s uncharacteristically thoughtful of you, Merlin.”

And because it was pretty customary for Merlin to give as good as he got when it came to Arthur, when he said nothing-absolutely nothing- just aimed a cool, level look at Arthur, it made Gwen really wonder what could have driven this wedge between them.

And that’s when Arthur lost it. His smile fading away into a strangely serious expression he jumped to his feet and threw his hands up in the air. ‘’For God’s sake Merlin, what the hell is wrong with you?!’’

"Why do you care? I didn’t seem to matter to you when you left me behind!’’ Merlin snapped back, and Gwen watched as his eyes flamed and something like hurt flickered through his face.

"What are you speaking about?’’ Arthur asked befuddled.

"You forgot me! You were to leave me behind if the Dolma hasn’t reminded you about me.’’

‘’That’s your problem? That’s what made you sulk for the whole day?’’ Arthur asked with a huff. But Gwen didn't miss how his eyes changed at the sound of hurt in Merlin’s voice and the flash of guilt that crossed through his handsome face, which he tried valiantly to conceal with a surprised laugh.

Gwen knew it was his quick, dismissive laugh that snapped it.

Temper soaring, Merlin bolted up and whirled on Arthur. "I’ve got a right to feel exactly how I chose to feel. I’ve got a right to be hurt by whatever I please.’’ He shouted and turned to leave.

Arthur moved fast. His armour notwithstanding, she should have expected him to move so fast. Eyes never leaving Merlin as though afraid to let him out of his sight- he had his hand clamped on Merlin’s shoulder, whirling him back, before the other man could blink his eyes.

"Don’t turn your back on me. I’m your bloody King.’’

"Get lost Arthur.’’ Merlin snapped, jerking Arthur's hand off his shoulder.

Gwen heard the small gasp from Mordred side, one glance at his face and she'd read the surprise and astonishment in the young knight’s eyes.

Folding his arms over his chest, Arthur glowered at Merlin, and naturally, Merlin - who managed to turn hierarchy upside down- glowered right back.

Completely oblivious to Gwen's and Mordred's presence, the two just stood there a minute, staring each other down like two lions about to fight.

Arthur's face was set in his characteristic stubborn glower right before he began arguments. Merlin’s chin was hardened with the same pigheadedness and a fierce fire flickered in his eyes. He looked ready to burst, and for a fleeting moment Gwen wondered amused if he would deliver a punch into the face of the King of Camelot.

The air was heavy and almost vibrating from the tension between them.

It was Arthur who gave in.

Later, thinking back on it, Gwen didn't know why she was surprised. Of course the love Arthur had for him, couldn’t endure the hurt in Merlin’s eyes.

Arthur’s only focus on Merlin, Gwen could actually observe the uncertain look, the slouch of Arthur's shoulders, the way he dragged his hand back through his hair and the shift of weight on his hips.

The surprise that widened her eyes was unconscious. It wasn’t like Arthur to display his affection or weakness so publicly. And for Gwen, who had rarely seen Arthur be anything but confident in his interaction with others, this was enough for that wicked toad of a thought to jump in her head again, no matter how hard she tried to bat it away.

‘’How can you believe, that I would ever— ’’ Arthur started, then he trailed off, like words failed him. After a long second, he continued hesitant, "that I could ever— leave you behind. You, _Merlin_ …’’ but when his voice caught on Merlin’s name, he cut himself off. 

The rawness of it, Arthur's gasping breath at the end of that name was painful to hear. And when Gwen saw Arthur swallow, she felt her own throat tighten. A small shiver went up her spine from the realisation that she hadn’t known Arthur could look and sound so vulnerable… so shattered— and they shared a bed.

Something unidentified pulsed between the two men as they shared an overly long look.

A look, that Gwen explained away later— was just their way to communicate without words. It’s always amazed her, just how much they were able to communicate and contribute to the other with a subtle glance or a particular tilt of the head, within a second.

Merlin’s body relaxed, his face went soft and he gave Arthur a small, tired smile. ‘’It was a long day Arthur. For all of us. You better go and have some sleep.’’

Gwen could tell from the set of Arthur’s shoulders that his tension has magically disappeared, relief lighted his face. The smile was back in his eyes when he rolled them at Merlin in that exasperated but fond way, he has solely reserved for him.

‘’You idiot.’’ Arthur said in the same tone he called her ‘my love’. He smiled, almost shyly, like he should be the one, not sure about he's allowed to say that.

‘’Prat.’’ Merlin retorted without a breath, his voice echoing the humor in his eyes.

That earned him a whack over the back of his head.

‘’Ouch, what was that for?"

Arthur’s face changed, edging toward arrogant. ’’I’m still your King. You can't speak to me like that.’’

"Of course, Sire.’’ Rolling his eyes, Merlin said cheekily with an exaggerated bow of his head. ‘’Whatever you say, Sire."

“You insolent toad.’’ Arthur scoffed amused at the way Merlin’s brow drew together, and he sounded ever so grateful, though he did his best to cover it with a frown. His lips twisted slightly as he tried... and failed miserably to hide his smile.

They beamed at each other. Gwen could think of no other word for it. Unless the word was happy, content, warm.

This was the night that Gwen felt for the first time a surprising snake of envy curling through her, accompanied by an irrationally intense pang of jealousy. No matter how hard she tried no to fall into that foolish, pathetic frame of mind.

She thinks, looking back on it, it was probably the reason why she started to watch them, watch them closely.

 

……………..

 

It’s really impressive, how much effort Arthur puts in front of others to not let anything slip of his affection- for his manservant.

They argue as they always have. He insults Merlin, hurls abuses at him, barks at him and continues to scoff at him about his incompetence as he always has. He punishes him with mean, impossible tasks as he always has. With suffering sighs, he keeps complaining about Merlin’s mindless, endless ramblings as he always has. He touches Merlin as he's always touched him, no more- no less, and looks at him as he always has.

And Merlin plays his share as he always has. In public, he takes it all in with complete and blank humbleness. He is silent and ducks his head at Arthur’s scolding with a proper subservience.

But in private Merlin admonishes Arthur, shouts and insults back. They argue like an old, married couple.

And Gwen found herself marveled by the fact that on those occasions, neither of them seemed to give a damn about the difference in their status. 

And now because she watched them, really watched them with eagle eyes, Gwen noticed the soft touches and gazes that lingered just a bit too much. She caught the lingering fingertips which brushed gently across the skin of Merlin’s neck right after cuffing him on the head. How the same hand that clapped Merlin roughly on his shoulder, a second later softened and like a caress, slide a little down.

God, they barely went more than a few hours without some form of physical contact.

And she didn't miss how Arthur's expression changed briefly with a ghost of panic and worry in his eyes - every time he's been particularly eager with the insults and mocking’s, and Merlin’s face closed down.

Her insides warring with amusement and reluctant trepidation Gwen observed their never-ending ritual. It would have been fun to watch, (were it not her husband) their perpetual dance around each other.

How every time Arthur pushed Merlin a bit too much, and Merlin went all withdrawn, sulking and barely speaking, and took a step back — without consciousness, Arthur moved two forward. How brilliant, arrogant, proud Arthur who hardly ever apologizes, went out of his way ( in his emotionally dense manner: with a punch to Merlin's shoulder, a jab to his arm, a shov to his side) to pull back his manservant.

Keeping her eyes on Arthur it became clear that Arthur never went more than a few hours without making time to find out where Merlin was, what was he doing, or without seeking him out with the most ridiculous, trumped up excuses and demands. He always kept a close watch on Merlin. Always concentrated on him. Even when he was surrounded by courtiers and council members. Even when he was fighting, laughing or doing and discussing something significant.

And those brilliant blue eyes were anything but never indifferent when they were fixed on that pale, delicate face. Sometimes they were narrowed, measuring or heavy with dissatisfaction. On another occasions they were wide with mirth or mocking with fun and sarcasm. When Merlin wasn’t looking, they were focused with that strange intent Gwen couldn’t quite put her finger on yet. And if Gwen didn’t look so close, she might have missed the one thing which beneath it all always unfurled in them — _affection —_ deep and abiding.

But the greatest revelation of all was Arthur’s reaction if Merlin showed interest, perhaps romantic interest in anyone.

Gwen didn’t miss the way Arthur’s face flushed with anger and his eyes narrowed assessing- every single time- Merlin laughed carelessly at the stable boys’ teasing or with another member of the staff, and leaned a bit closer to chat.

How Arthur glowered, face drawn and furious, fingers nearly turning white from the tight clutch of his fist- if Gwaine's affectionate touch lingered a bit longer on Merlin’s shoulder. How a dangerous glint flashed in those blue eyes- if Gwaine's fingers playfully ruffled Merlin's dark hair, and his arm cuddled tight around Merlin's waist to pull him in closer while they talked. How the blood drained from Arthur’s face- if Gwaine came up behind Merlin, and sliding his hand down onto the small of Merlin's back, he whispered something into his neck what made Merlin blush and laugh.

Arthur’d either shout for Merlin with that touch of impatience reserved for him alone. Or, like a wild dog guarding his bone, he’d march over to grab Merlin roughly and drag him away, murmuring something through clenched teeth.

The next day Gwaine was sent out on the most distant patrol.

And these had been the times Arthur was the most inventive about vicious chores for Merlin. Like the mucking out of the stables, or ordering Merlin to wash the pristine floor up, and with the most innocent face and his dirtiest pair of boots Arthur’d walk all over it on his way out, making a murderous-looking Merlin to clean it up again.

Merlin refused to speak to Arthur for days after that.

And despite it all, despite everything she's observed, Gwen didn't make anything of it.

She thought, that since Arthur didn’t have a bone in him to let himself easily or emotionally inclined with others— and because apart from her, Merlin was the only person in this world Arthur's ever deigned to give real attention and get himself attached to— it was only natural that it'd rub Arthur off, and he'd be ill-equipped to handle being ignored in favor of someone else. Someone else, Merlin seemed to genuinely like.

…………..

It supposed to be a picnic for her, for the two of them. But of course, Arthur would take Merlin along because— who would serve them otherwise and anyway Merlin didn’t count — he explained, looking at Merlin with a nasty grin.

Gwen actually wondered why Arthur insisted to take _her_ along in the first place.

His whole attention being diverted at Merlin--who was apparently vexed with him-- Arthur seemed to be set on being insufferable to him all afternoon.

Something had been brewing between Arthur and Merlin again for the last two days. Gwen would have been able to sense it instinctively, even if it were not for Arthur’s constant poking and cruel teasing at Merlin.

Gwen'd see how Merlin tried to keep a rein on his temper and just completely ignore Arthur's scoffs.

But of course, silent, unresponsive Merlin rather than reining him back, only seemed to goad Arthur on, until Merlin snapped. And so… the two began their infamous battle of give and take.

And just like that, it was Gwen, again, who had gone back to being an invisible third wheel - as it tended to happen- when the two of them were together.

Thinking back at the feast two days ago, there was that fellow, the ambassador from Nemeth who had been gazing at Merlin in a decidedly besotted way. Oh, Gwen smiled with a small shake of her head as she’s began to understand what might be the cause for Arthur’s fool mood. Not to mention Merlin’s never-ending, utterly ridiculous, pointless chores, and the reason: why Merlin didn’t attend to Arthur recently at the feasts.

Having Merlin’s attention ( even in the form of a bicker) when they arrived to a clearing Arthur deigned perfect for their picnic, he seemed entirely pleased with the world again.

He even made some silly compliment about her beauty which Merlin reacted to with a loud snort.

After leveling Merlin with a stare, eyes promising hell and damnation on his insolent servant, he bullied Merlin into fetching them water, by aiming and hitting the back of his neck with the waterskin.

‘’Sorry.’’ Arthur said, raising his hand in a placatory gesture. But the way his eyes gleamed with vicious delight, he was anything but.

Merlin fixed him with a murderous glare, seeing it for the lie it was.

‘’And this one too. Ready?’’ Arthur asked a second later, his lips twitching with mean intent; he was throwing the second water skin to Merlin, never giving him a real chance to catch.

Merlin scrambled to his feet from the forest floor he was covering with a blanket, letting out a long-suffering sigh. Shooting Arthur a dangerous look, drawling a cheeky, “Sire'', he scurried off to do Arthur’s bidding.

"I think my dog can catch better than you.’’ Arthur shouted after him with a frown.

"Possibly because you treat him better.’’ Merlin retorted dryly over his back with a hint of resentment touching his voice.

Arthur stared after Merlin... then kept staring… And there, here it was again. Intrigued and amused at the same time, Gwen watched as Arthur's face transformed at the hurt in Merlin’s voice.

A welter of emotions fought for mastery on Arthur's features: amusement, irritation, arrogance slowly dissipating into guilt, fear, edging toward anguish.

And obviously, Arthur couldn’t help it. His expression went soft all over, which he quickly tried to cover up with another barb. He huffed out a breath, half a sigh and half annoyance. ‘’Are you blind?’’ he shouted after Merlin, who seemed to be fixated with something on the ground.

Merlin didn’t reply, but even from that distance Gwen'd see how tense his back and shoulders were while his eyes were trained on the forest floor.

Gwen sensed Arthur’s struggle and internal debate. He raked his fingers through his hair, his gaze flicked to Merlin then away and back again. He was kicking at the leaves on the forest floor at a complete loss on what to do.

He was behaving so uncharacteristically of himself, and he looked so much like a lost child, that Gwen wasn’t able to stop the indulgent smile spreading on her face.

And because there was nothing for it, because clearly Arthur just couldn’t bear if Merlin was in despair: he gave up, gave into the need and went after him.

………………….

Five minutes later, with the faintest of frowns, Gwen watched them wrestle with the same moves she's observed Arthur teaching his young knights many times.... but maybe never with as much enthusiasm as he did _now_ .

She saw that Arthur had Merlin in a headlock in a blink. Experienced in Arthur’s roughhousing, Merlin overbalanced and sent them both tumbling to the ground. Merlin rolled aside, but when he wanted to rose he couldn’t avoid the hand that snaked out to trip him, and he ended up flipped on his back on the ground. Arthur straddled him, knees planted on either side of Merlin's waist, the same way Gwen saw the knights do to show their win. When a laughing Merlin twisted and thrashed beneath him, Arthur pinned his arms over his head and leaned forward to whisper something, surely something arrogantly wicked into Merlin’s face.

The low, painful growl escaping Merlin's mouth made Gwen to get up and she was heading toward them, her mind set on to chastise Arthur about his bullying behavior.

She was about halfway done to see Arthur frozen mid-diatribe and something about his posture struck her. Although she didn’t know why, it reminded her of Arthur when they were making love.

She shook her head at her own foolishness. " Merlin, are you all ri— " she began when she reached them.

But then she realized the quick rising and falling of Arthur’s chest, the flash of his face and the way his nostrils flared.

A fist squeezed her heart and she thought, _Oh, indeed, just like in our bedroom during the night._

The pain in her chest was as unexpected as it was deep. It took her breath away, making her lungs burn.

She saw Arthur swallow and felt her own throat tighten, and when Arthur firmed his jaw and shook his head quickly; almost as if to clear it from a dreamlike haze, Gwen's heart pounded like thunder. Something twisted inside her and she felt a clutch in her stomach.

Arthur looked up at her, then, just as quickly down again. But not before Gwen had seen... the look in his eyes.

The blow was so quick, so sudden and sharp, Gwen couldn’t even gasp. It shivered through her once viciously before she felt something break inside her, around her heart.

Because the look in Arthur's eyes wasn't any Gwen has ever seen there before, not even in the highest throne of his passion.

Arthur's eyes were hot and wild with want and desire. Watching the man she loved and who was her husband, looking at Merlin how she always wished, dreamed of, he would look at her, only once — with violent, burning passion and love in his eyes — made everything, suddenly, painfully clear.

Gwen's blood froze around her heart when she realized, she just had a first-hand view of- what Arthur Pendragon looked like, when he was deeply, maddeningly and irrecoverably in love.


	3. chapter 3

Court had kept him late and the strain of the day’s other burdens refused to be shaken of.

And even Merlin was away again on some stupid errant for Gaius.

He knew that the headache that was drumming behind his eyes would be kicking holes insides his head if he didn’t get something for it, so he headed for Gaius.

His mind still busy trying to strategize the plans from the meeting, he was looking forward to discuss them with Merlin.

The images projecting into his mind came unbidden.

The way Merlin’s going to reach for the parchment with long fingers, too delicate for a servant. How he’s going to spread it on the table and bend over it in complete concentration. The way his face would scrunch up in confusion and dissatisfaction if he didn’t agree with some of it. How he’d look up with those clear blue eyes and a challenging brow.

Arthur stopped short for a moment and wondered if he was loosing his mind too from the damn headache. _Was he really just thinking about Merlin’s fingers and his eyes?_

Where is he anyway? How long could it maybe take to pick up some non-existent plant for a non-existent errant? Hopefully the idiot hasn’t got himself into some trouble, Arthur wondered with a sudden hitch in his heart.

Because of course, no matter what Merlin loved to believe- he wasn’t _that_  stupid.

He was rolling down the Hall, glaring dumbly ahead when the sound of flirtatious laughter reached his ears. Without a thought he would have continued on his path were it not for that familiar voice he has just had in his mind. He felt a clutching in his stomach and his legs were drawn in the direction of that voice before he'd realise. They were storming down towards one of the far corridors, quite the opposite from Gaius’ room.

At the corner of the corridor, standing all too close in Arthur's opinion, were Merlin and the handsome-looking ambassador.

They appeared to be chatting and laughing amicably.

Arthur was ready to call away his idiot manservant, but the words died in his throat. His heart pounded like a drum and blazing flames were nearly falling right out of his furious eyes.

Because he saw the ambassador pressing his body against Merlin's front while smoothing an intrusive hand down on Merlin's back. “I’m sure we can find something to do tonight to our mutual enjoyment,” the man drawled seductively, emitting small hums of sexual excitement.

Arthur didn’t want to think about why it made him see suddenly everything in red. He didn’t want to think about why his chest gone tight with a whiplash of his temper while his mind was screaming in jealous possessiveness.

Merlin smiled back at the man, strained and fake, firmly removing the offensive appendage.

And Arthur also didn’t want to think about the ridiculously extreme, protective instinct that made him to reach them in three long strides and yank Merlin away, with much more force than strictly necessary.

Arthur had to give Merlin some credit for barely showing any outwards reaction apart from a relief in his eyes and a raised eyebrow.

‘’ Your Highness.’’ The ambassador gasped. The gobsmacked expression on his face, all slack-jawed and kind of frozen, would've been hilarious if Arthur were less furious.

"Excuse us. I have a need of my manservant.’’ Arthur grinded out between clenched teeth, thinking he better remove themselves before any more potentially stupid and destructive ideas could make their way into his mind. Like, smashing his fist into the bastard’s pretty face.

‘’See you at the feast.’’ He snapped, grabbing Merlin roughly by the bicep. He was practically dragging him away and all the way down the hall, passing by his knights and some of the servants.

Storming toward his chamber Arthur didn’t want to think about why just remembering the man’s hand over the swell of Merlin’s ass made his blood race in his vein again with that possessive, protective feeling, only Merlin seemed to incite.

So, he used his special maneuver for these situations: deflection.

Alright, he'd admit as much, that the truth of the matter was: although he enjoyed the sight of a riled up Merlin when it was caused by him, he felt extremely ill when he saw others making Merlin clearly uncomfortable. Because obliviously Merlin didn’t look like he enjoyed the man’s advances, did he now? Besides, Merlin was his manservant and it was his duty to protect him from such a display of inappropriateness.

‘’Ouch, Arthur!’’ Merlin’s indignant, painful sniff broke him out of his thoughts.

Arthur stopped cold. Merlin was staring at him as though he’d lost her mind.

Arthur’s eyes went baffled; he was frowning at Merlin perplexed. ‘’What?!’’

"You have weird, twisted ideas of justice and protectiveness.” Merlin muttered and gave a sarcastic smile. ‘’If I knew you’ve wanted to break my arm in exchange for saving my khmm….virtue down there, I think I’d rather have taken his advances.’’ He said dryly, taking a step away from Arthur and looking very pointedly down.

And Arthur realized that his hand was still on Merlin’s arm, fingers digging hard enough into Merlin's flesh to meet bone. He dropped his hand as if burned, blinking down at it in surprise. His insides filling and overflowing with pure, raw guilt, he was torn between the need to apologize and what his status dictated him.

But, the apology that was on the tip of his tongue dried up.

A King doesn’t apologize in public to his manservant.

Still... it surprised him just how much the fact that he’d caused Merlin pain had hurt him, and how disgusted he felt with himself. His temper still lashing inside him, fury and guilt were bubbling together into a stewing mess.

What he did, in the end, was the standard setting he fell into whenever Merlin managed to slip through his well-fortified defences, and made him feel overwhelmed and completely out of his depth. When he finally looked up into Merlin’s confused eyes, his face was composed again.

‘’Don’t be such a girl Merlin.’’ He scoffed with an exasperated huff, pulling a face at Merlin.

Merlin crossed his arms over his chest with a small pout, igniting a sudden spike of fondness in Arthur's chest. Then, his expression changing, Merlin lifted a questioning brow and heaved out a heavy, resigned breath.

‘’What’s wrong Arthur?’’

Arthur forced down the wave of warmth at the genuineness of his concern in Merlin’s voice.

‘’Nothing. Just got a splitting headache.’’ He answered, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. ‘’Go and get something from Gaius.‘’ he ordered, making an impatient ‘get on with it’ motion with his hand.

Merlin, expectedly, looked skeptical. There was a tiny, unconvinced frown forming between his brilliant, blue sky eyes. Then he nodded lazily, eyes wide, all faked innocence.

“I believe you. Of course, I do. Why wouldn’t I? Everything is sunny and shiny, Sire.”

“Don’t get snarky with me, Merlin!”

“My sincerest apologies, Sire,’’ Merlin said, utterly unapologetic. “Anything else?”

‘’Oh, for God’s sake, Merlin. For once just do as you are told.’’ Arthur snapped.

‘’Whatever you say, Sire.’’ Merlin retorted, voice dripping with badly hidden amusement.

In the next second he turned his back and strolled down toward Gaius, but when he reached the corner, he turned his head over his shoulder and sent Arthur a wide grin — the cheeky bastard.

And Arthur couldn’t help but smile back at that. At the infectious humour brimming in Merlin's eyes. At the way his mouth curved up into that characteristic, insolent smile. If It briefly registered somewhere in the back of Arthur's brain just how weird it was that Merlin could calm him just like that, he did his best to completely ignore it. And if he was slightly addicted to that face and cheeky smile, and if he selfishly craved and basked in the positive attention bestowed upon him by Merlin, well, that was entirely beside the point, either.

……………………………………….

 

It hurt. Hurt like hell. At least as she thinks hell supposed to hurt, Gwen remembers, her thoughts being pulled back to that crucial afternoon.

~*~

Arthur looked at her again with something akin to confused shock in his eyes, then, just as quickly down. His recovery was quick though and when he lifted his gaze again, his eyes held hers.

‘’Gwen.’’ He said with a confused frown, his voice hoarse and thick. Gwen’s pulse took another vicious jump in response to that.

One glance down and Gwen realized that one of Arthur’s hands was still gripping Merlin's wrists together over his head, tight enough he would surely leave bruises. His other hand still on Merlin’s chest, fingers curled around some of Merlin’s tunic in a vicious tight, almost as if he couldn’t let it go.

In the next instant like a flash, Arthur jumped off Merlin. Standing; he reached out, taking Merlin by the wrist to pull him up.

Gwen had seen enough.

Swallowing down the bile that threatened to choke as the pain tearing at her stomach overwhelmed her, she forced the words through the construction in her throat.

‘’I... I just need to go.’’ She mumbled, with her hands indicating to the woods.

Her eyes filled, overflowed so quickly she hardly had time to turn her back on them and walk away quickly. She had to will herself not to run into the wood. She concentrated on not to stumble as her life depended on it. Once safely away, she let her head fall against a tree trunk and let her tears flow freely. Clutching her abdomen, she closed her eyes and took deep, calming breathes as she tried to gather herself and roll over the pain.

Long minutes later, exhausted, with a blank look in her eyes, Gwen stared through the thick trees of the forest and thought of the man behind. A man, Gwen had foolishly believed she could have.

And this, more than anything else, made her to look back. The way Arthur was with Merlin on the way back from the Dolma, or his strange reaction to the serving girl, and all the other occasions Gwen's witnessed recently. Finally, she recognized it for what it was every time: guts deepening jealousy... and Arthur very much in love.

How stupid she’d been, Gwen thought, berating herself. How blind, not to have seen what pocked her in the eyes.

How much in denial.

She had been lying to herself almost from the beginning.

Because Arthur'd moved her—and tempted her—far more than he should. She let herself wonder if it were possible. If she could let herself be courted by this man who had already made her feel more than she thought capable—and more than she’d ever thought possible. The man, who’d filled Gwen's girlish dreams of handsome golden Princes in shining armour, since the first time she’d seen Arthur all those years ago.

She wanted Arthur. She loved him, Gwen realized, drawing in a slow, steadying breath. She married him because she wanted to have children with him, grow old with him, and love him. She wanted Arthur to confide in her, to open up to her, to share with her every part of him what had been, what was, and what would be. She wanted Arthur to turn to her when he was troubled or sad or when he was happy.

The longing was still there and still so strong that it took her a moment to come back to reality. But when she did, it was with a hard thud. Good gracious, why was she even thinking about that now? It was never and would never be possible.

Because all of it has always been and will always belong to Merlin. (Alright except the marrying and having children bit) But, that’s why Arthur married her in the first place.

Oh, Gwen knew that Arthur loved her with a deep, protective, gentle love, and would die for her any second.

However, she understood now with startling clarity, there would never be another person.

Merlin was the first and he would be the last to take Arthur’s soul, passion and heart.

Their time in the forest with Tristan and Isolde after escaping from Ealdor, flashed through her mind.

The knowledge that she hurt Arthur weighted like a stone on her chest. If only, she hadn’t been so deadly set on ensuring Arthur about her love, because she couldn’t bear Arthur’s disappointment and hurt about her betrayal. If only, she hadn’t deluded herself that she could have Arthur’s love in return. If only, she'd paid more attention to the signs, -- it wouldn’t have caught her so unaware now, and maybe wouldn’t hurt as much.

Arthur'd been hurt and in a bad mood, Gwen remembered. On the brink to give up. Yet he sent her away when she tried to lift his spirit up. And as always it was Merlin, only him, who could manage to do that. Her words had no effect, not even when she declared her love. Arthur just stared at her unmoved and uninterested.

Because it wasn’t Arthur's disillusionment and anger with her what made him keep his distance.

No, Arthur really wasn’t interested in her, as simple as that.

Because it wasn’t her, Arthur craved with yearning in his eyes.

Gwen swallowed hard against a hard lump in the back of her throat, as the memories of Arthur's face and his words of their first picnic in the forest, came unbidden to her mind. Something churned up inside her, hitting her wild like lightning, when she realized- how Arthur had never once mentioned seeing her or anybody-but Merlin- in that picture of that ideal place in his mind.

Gwen was sure about it now— it was Merlin, and the chance to live their life together, what made Arthur consider leaving everything behind. It was his dream about their future together, what managed to transform his otherwise stoic face into a sad, soft, wishful look.

Maybe in those sad, dark days, for the first time ever, Arthur was his truest self. Arthur, who had always kept his emotions close to his chest and hidden so much, Gwen doubted that even he was aware of the want of his own heart. For it was a secretive and much guarded thing. Maybe in his despair, Arthur wasn’t strong enough to wholly push back, and he unconsciously allowed to surface the head of his deepest and most suppressed desire. Maybe witnessing Tristan and Isolde’s true and free love loosened the tight rein: Arthur usually kept on his thoughts and fantasies.

 

It didn’t occur to Gwen, not for a second that Arthur's ever acted on his feelings. If Arthur and Merlin were lovers, and could hide it from her, they weren’t remotely the men she thought they were and why she loved them both so much. And Gwen knew with stoned certainty that she couldn’t be wrong on that. She knew that both men were compassionate and righteous to the fault, with strong values and self-rules on strict, human morals.

No, according to the shocked surprise in Arthur’s eyes, brilliantly dense Arthur -who could be so oblivious in a matter of hearts- wasn’t even aware of the true nature of his feelings… towards his manservant.

Arthur was linked with Merlin in a way that went beyond physical, even the emotional. It was something hovering in the spiritual. It was lifted too highly over what Gwen could fight, even if she wanted to fight.

But she didn’t want to. Whatever it was that bound these two men so strongly, impenetrably together— Gwen loved both of them too much to stand in the way any further.

At loss, she put her head in her hands. She wasn’t sure of anything any longer. Except that she loved Arthur, and in her stubborn, blind stance, luring him into marrying her, she had deprived him of the chance to find happiness with the one he loved the most, with all his heart and might.

Of course, Merlin and Arthur can never be, not publicly, but it was time Gwen thought about Arthur’s needs. It wasn't too late to show him, she could compromise.

She wouldn’t let it be too late to give them a chance. She has no choice but to let and encourage them to move and finally meet on that path.

She can't be Arthur's wife any longer. She has no right for that. But she can be his queen.

She’d made her choice years ago. There was no going back. Nor would she. She was in a position—a unique position—to help the two people she loved above all. Arthur needed her, Merlin needed her. Camelot needed her. There was no one else who could do and accept what she would.

In that second her choice's born with fierce determination.

……………………

Making peace with herself about that, watching Arthur interact with Merlin was nothing short of a revelation and fun, and Gwen was completely enraptured by it.

They were a sight to behold, the two of them, making Gwen’s heart swell with fondness in her chest, despite the still present, occasional flickers of jealousy.

It was just sooo blatantly obvious, what was there between the two of them if somebody took five seconds to really closely observe them.

That’s it. Obvious to everyone. Except the two idiots of course - Gwen thought with an indulgent smile- whom didn’t seem to realize, how crossed eyed in love they are.

Merlin was serving them and she caught as a man, a knight of Nemeth gave Merlin a long look of once over. Leaning closer to Arthur, the knight let out a long, appreciative sigh.

‘’A man like him could make a man forget his own name. I most certainly can’t remember mine.’’

 _Uh- oh_! Gwen thought, hiding her smile behind her cup.

Sending a quick glance at Arthur, now, because she knew what to look for, she recognized the look.

Not the— ‘ y _es, I know my Queen is beautiful ‘_  — proud look, more likely the— ‘ _keep looking where you are looking and thinking what you are thinking, and you won’t have eyes to look with, and brain to think with for a month, after I’ ll be finished with you and smashed you into the ground_.’— possessive look. She watched the way Arthur's eyes sharpened and for a second narrowed with a murderous fire before he covered it up with a charming smile.

Putting on his public persona, Arthur was smiling so bright at the man, he was bound to go blind.

‘’Yes. I suppose it has its charm if you are into a big eared, unceasingly rambling, clumsy type.’’ Arthur said loudly enough for Merlin to hear.

Merlin smiled cooly, ‘’Thank you, _Sire_. You are most generous with your compliments.’’ He said in a way too sweet voice.

‘’You welcome.’’ Arthur responded with a small royal nod, his expression full of cocky confidence and a great deal of regal arrogance.

Merlin was pouring some wine from a heavy wine jug into Arthur’s cup.

Only Arthur’s quick reflexes-acquired through years of combat and training- prevented him from getting soaked in wine to the skin.

“God’s sakes, Merlin,” Arthur snapped, jumping up in a blink, brushing the wine from his clothes, ‘’There is really no limit to your uselessness.‘’ 

Merlin turned to face Arthur, regarding him with his most innocent expression. ‘’Uhm… Sorry?!

Arthur tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. ‘’You’ve done it purposefully.’’

‘’What makes you say that, my Lord?’’ Merlin asked, gracing Arthur with his wide eyes, gasping in an overly dramatic, mock-offended manner. But the twitching lower lip wasn't boding well for his innocence.

Which earned him a raised eyebrow and a threatening stare.

 

All it took was -- for the knight to step to Merlin’s side, resting one of his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, the other covering the back of Merlin’s swiping hand on the table while he leaned closer to him and said, ‘’Let me help you cleaning it up,‘’ -- for a switch in Arthur’s behaviour.

 _He is a dead man,_ Gwen thought with resignation and a long sight.

 

Before the man was even aware of what’s happened, Arthur was standing there between them. God, the heat in Arthur's eyes could have boiled the skin off the man.

‘’Stop right there," Arthur interrupted, towering over the gaping knight while nudging Merlin behind himself with one arm. The knights’ mouth opened and closed again, without actually producing any sound.

Gwen watched Arthur and she found her amusement warring with admiration. She realized the second when with another flip Arthur came back to his charmingly, regal self--bestowing on the man his most insincere, shiny smile. “It won’t do for Nemeth's finest knight doing a job of a servant!‘’ Arthur drawled, throwing up his hands for dramatic effect.

He threw his arm over the other man’s shoulder companionably and guided him back to his seat. Turning to Merlin, Arthur shot him an angry glare, who stared right back, awed and hardly suppressing a smile. Arthur glowered some more for a good measure before he snapped annoyed.

‘’Clean up this mess, will you?! Then you’re dismissed for tonight. I think we endured enough of your incompetence for one night. I just really don’t know why I keep you around.’’ He complained with a deliberately loud sigh, face dulling into dry exasperation.

Merlin dignified that with an elaborate eye-roll behind Arthur’s back before he bent over the table with a resigned huff.

‘’You make me feel so special, Sire,” he remarked for Arthur’s ears alone, rudely unaffected by Arthur’s complains.

Arthur puffed a little but otherwise, he was graciously ignoring Merlin’s jibe. Turning his attention on the knight, he asked in a too smooth, politely interested voice.

‘’ Did you say you are the commander of Nemeth‘s knights?‘’

And Gwen’s head snapped up at that, only to find Arthur’s expression carefully, innocently blank, meaning, he was definitely scheming something. And it was anything, but good, for the poor knight.

Overwhelmed by the sudden royal attention, the man shifted in his chair and answered with a proud smile.

‘’Yes. I am, your Highness.''

‘’Splendid.’’ Arthur exclaimed with fake cheerfulness. ‘’It was such a long time I’ve had the chance to spare with a decent partner. Would you care to join and practice with me in the morning?’’ He asked with a jovial smile and a flash of wicked glow in his eyes.

Clearly thrown out of his depths, his surprise so great, the knight stuttered.

‘'It... It would be a great honor my Lord.’’

‘’Excellent. Meet you in the morning at the training yard then." Arthur clasped the man friendly on his shoulder, his face glowing with satisfaction, revealing in the promise of a good fight.

“Humiliating and pummeling their first knights into the ground, is such an innovative and brilliant way of maintaining good relationships with the other kingdoms.” Leaning into Arthur, Merlin whispered with a wry smile, prompting an actual laugh out of Gwen.

“Your accusation and lack of faith of the sincerity and friendliness of my actions wound me, Merlin. “ Arthur retorted, ’’deeply.’’

Merlin’s both eyebrows rose in incredulity and a hefty dose of disbelief before he turned toward the door and scurried out of the room.

And yup, there it was again. Arthur was staring at Merlin's retreating back, and Gwen'd observe that fond sparkle in Arthur's eyes. The subtle shift as Arthur's posture grew less rigid. The softness, that slid through Arthur's otherwise resigned, guarded expression before he was quick enough to wipe it down.

Letting her eyes roam aimlessly around the dining room, Gwen caught Gwaine’s amused gaze flickering from Merlin to Arthur to the knight and back again with a wide smile.

When their eyes met, Gwaine’s smile broke out into a wide grin with a too knowing look on his face.

For a second they grinned at each other like two kids over a forbidden mischievousness.

Maybe she wasn't the only one watching them closely. And she could certainly use a little help, shaking things up a little in order to speed the process of bringing them together.

……….

 

They were out in the forest.

Fascinated as if he’d come across some mythical creature in the woods, he was watching him.

His eyes closed, Merlin's cherub face was utterly peaceful as he turned it up toward the sun, his body utterly still. He looked suffused with a warmth and brightness like he wasn’t from this world. Like he was from a fantasy where faeries and pixies danced through the woods and slept in beds of twigs and petals. Arthur wouldn’t have been surprised to see a butterfly or a bright bird land on Merlin's shoulder.

He was like some unearthly creature, born from alchemy, created by twisting wind, earth and rays of sunshine together.

Arthur realized he was afraid to blink, as if in that fraction of a second Merlin might vanish, never to be found again.

Merlin opened his eyes slowly and looked directly into his.

Arthur felt the breath rush into his throat and stick there. Nothing and nobody had ever left him so breathless, as this long stare out of eyes-the color of the most radiant summer sky.

Merlin moved first, standing up and the world started again.

Arthur was rewarded with a cheeky grin, that, much to his mortification, made him a little weak in the knees, and suddenly Arthur found it difficult to mask the sudden doubling of his heartbeat.

Splendid. He must be suffering of a sunstroke.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

It has never ceased to amaze Gwaine, the mesmerized look Arthur got in his eyes when he thought no one was looking, and he was watching Merlin with hazed, adoring eyes. He's seen it. The soft smile Arthur gives Merlin. The almost reverent, longing gleam that creeps into Arthur's gaze when he isn't quick and careful enough to hide it.

Gwaine’s expression caught somewhere between bemused, fond and a bit of incredulity thrown into it as he observed Arthur's face...while Arthur was watching Merlin.

Gwaine knew by the look in Arthur’s eyes that Cupid aimed his arrow well. He must have used an extra big and thick one to make sure it hit home. But still... Gwaine was stunned by just how sharp the point was.

There was a voice in the back of Gwaine's head somewhere, stern and sounding a lot like an angry, disappointed Merlin, telling him: what he was about to do, was a spectacularly stupid thing to do.

And that, together with what is left of the sane part of his brain, screamed at him-just how potentially dangerous and definitely painful it will be- should have probably gave him pause to think, but well... It was always satisfying proving your right, and anyway, he promised Gwen to help.

And most of all, he was doing it because he was a big romantic in his heart, and most people go their whole life without having somebody look at them in the way, Arthur looks at Merlin.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Because I was in this mood and had a free time from my flu beaten family, needing to cheer myself up, I wrote this. And as it's always the case with me and I just so love Gwaine, it became longer than I wanted and obviously want to separate it from Merlin's and Arthur's next chapter... So, there's going to be a fifth in this fic.

There is one quick, painful way to handle this, Gwaine thought with a sight, following Merlin into the edge of the wood, making sure they stayed close enough for Arthur to watch.

Arthur was in conversation with Leon when his eyes flicked to them. He stopped in the middle of his sentence, and Gwaine felt his heart skip in excitement.

Arthur stood there, eyes now glued to them. His mouth opened like to speak again, then closed, seemingly having a bit of a problem voicing his thoughts.

Gwaine stopped right behind Merlin, who was gathering some herbs. When he straightened, Gwaine bumped solidly and very deliberately into him.

‘’Oh, Gwaine.’’ Turning his head, Merlin regarded him with a surprised smile.

‘’Sorry. It was my fault.’’ Gwaine drawled into Merlin’s nape, drawing his hands slowly along Merlin’s side.

Merlin took a step aside.

Gwaine swirled to face him, blocking his way.

‘’Gwaine, you are in my way.’’

‘’ That’s right.’’ And since he was, he took a long, appreciative look. ‘’ And you look just so ravishing today.’’

Merlin glanced up at that, giving an inquiring sort of grunt, both eyebrows rising.

‘’ You alright?’’

A quick glance toward Arthur and Gwaine caught the chill in his King's eyes. Shoulders rigid, back jammed straight as his sword. He wasn't sure, but the additional jerk of Arthur's head and the twitch on his face might be a good sign? 

It took only for his arm to reach out and grab the swell of Merlin’s ass- surprise-surprise!- for that sharp, impatient tone, Gwaine already recognized.

‘’Merlin!’’ Arthur’s voice cut through the air.

_Yeah, small victory._

Grabbing Merlin’s hips, he moved so that they were in plain sight.

His fingers traced Merlin’s humps then slipped under his tunic, sliding over silky skin. A flash of burning, hot desire shot through Gwaine, he hadn’t been expecting from the touches.

But well, it was Merlin, his longest and biggest crush.

A quick check, and Gwaine saw ice forming from the chill in Arthur's eyes.

And then, he must've really-really hardly make himself remember the fact; that he was only a supportive ally in all this, when he leaned in and nuzzled Merlin’s neck.

He didn’t know, until now, he could be so shatteringly aroused just from the smell of somebody’s skin. Suppose, that’s what a person does to the other who is in love. For seconds, Gwaine couldn’t breathe from the hunger, craving the taste of Merlin’s skin. He tried a deep breath and felt relieved that it went smoothly in and out. 

_Hey, he was on a mission there._

He darted a glance toward Arthur and felt the frostbite. Gwaine'd almost see himself split in half from that icy, razor-edged stare.

Tossing his hair, being proud of his own restrain, Gwaine jerked his head back and saw the flicker of shock and amusement on Merlin’s face.

‘’Gwaine, what’s wrong with you? Are you drunk or what?’’ Merlin asked, eyebrows shooting up. ‘’But we haven’t even been near a tavern today.’’ He added with a considerate huff.

Wiggling his eyebrows at Merlin and grinning with all the giddy excitement of someone who was just about to do something potentially dangerous and definitely stupid, Gwaine's eyes flicked to Merlin’s full, red lips-- wondering about (mind you, not for the first time) how they would taste.

 _For the hell of it_ , if he gets beaten, at least it should worth it, and anyway if it doesn’t trigger the Princess into action… He just really doesn’t know what does.

He cupped Merlin’s face with both hands and kissed him full on his mouth.

Jerking his head back, eyes having grown impossibly wide, Merlin looked at him like he lost his mind. Which, Gwaine absolutely could agree with, considering in the span of a mere minute he’s going to- _willingly_ \- on top of that, become Arthur’s living punch bag. So, to spice it up, he grabbed Merlin's ass.

Slowly, like handling a mad man, Merlin took his hands away from his nut cracking hips. Then his eyes narrowing, he asked with an analyzing look.

‘’Gwaine, are you under some spell?’’ he placed his hand on Gwaine’s jaw, turning his head left and right, with an adorably worried look forming on his scrunched up face.

Which, ouch, didn’t bode well for Gwaine's ego, considering, he just barely managed to suppress the urge to devour Merlin’s lips thoroughly right there and like that. But he knew, he should keep his libido in check, because apart from the fact that Merlin didn’t really seem to be a keen participant in the sexual act, he'd no desire getting to know the sharpness of Arthur’s sword.

His lips curving, he gave Merlin a sizzling look, accompanied by a lusty wink.

His reached out arms never had a chance to cup Merlin’s face for the second time.

The impact of what he assumed was a horse at full speed-(but as it turned out, it was only Arthur, having grown wings of his jealousy) -slam into him with whole force, sending him on his back on the hard, forest’s floor.

He was expecting the punch, and took the fist on his jaw rationally.

It was always satisfying to make your point.

‘’Arthur, stop it!’’ Merlin’s angelic shout was a balm to Gwaine's ringing ears.

He didn’t need to be a genius, (though he was, no matter what everybody thinks) to figure out how much Arthur was wrapped around Merlin’s long fingers. Who could almost always charm Arthur into doing pretty much anything, or in his case not doing.

This is why Gwaine was absolutely not surprised, and a great deal grateful, when Merlin’s voice stopped Arthur’s fist, frozen in the air, from getting into a closer relationship with his face than considered enjoyable, for a _second_ time.

He lifted a hand, wiggled his jaw, mildly relieved it wasn’t broken. Bloody hell, was Arthur’s right fist made of stone?

‘’I ought to hit you again, you son of a bitch.’’ Arthur said between his teeth.

Merlin gaped disbelievingly, mouth opening and closing soundlessly a few times before he was able to produce actual words.

''What the hell is in the air?‘’ He asked with a confused crinkling of his eyes.

Arthur groaned, no mistake there, really groaned at Merlin. ‘’Will you just shut up?’’ before turning his all royally pissed attention back to Gwaine.

‘’If you touch him again, in that way...’’ Arthur trailed off with a vicious snarl, his fisted fingers whitening from the force of the strain.

But Gwaine was not stupid, he'd wrap his mind very well around that unsaid threat.

Helping himself to his feet, holding up a placating hand and a hopefully charming smile, ‘’Well, you can’t blame me for trying." He answered with an innocent little shrug, he hoped Arthur was buying. "After all, a dead man would fantasize about rolling around with a man who looked like Merlin.''

‘’How dare you?! What makes you think, you are--’’ Arthur began in order to be cut short by an appealed Merlin.

‘’Arthur, that’s enough.’’ Merlin snapped with a tip of indignation.

Don’t needing more words with the other, Arthur's hands trailed through his hair while he was staring at Merlin incredulous, expression as open and confused as Gwaine has ever seen it. It was a real fun to watch as Arthur took a few, deep, calming breaths, while he tried and utterly failed to process the reason of his wrath. 

_Mission accomplished_ \--due to his genius plan--Gwaine thought proudly with a sly inward smile, despite the painful shit in his cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started to write it yesterday because I've always wanted to write an explicit Merthur, today I realised if I'm making it into one chapter it will be a really-really long one.  
> So, I've decided to split it into two.

Though Arthur felt like he was burning up- he could all but feel the lightning flaring beneath his skin - his eyes were cool and fixed unmoving on the road, for the whole time back to Camelot

The scene of Gwaine touching and kissing Merlin wormed straight to the center of his mind, taunting him, refusing to leave.

The most puzzling part of it was that it made no sense. Why should he care what company Merlin kept? It was no affair of his. He knew he had no right to poke his nose in Merlin’s personal life.

He didn't understand how things could get so out of his hands any more than he could understand why.

Why Gwaine’s attentions to Merlin did vex him so much?

Arthur felt at complete loss.

It didn't make sense.

But that didn’t stop his hand to grab the reigns in a white-knuckled grip as -Gwaine’s hands resting so possessively on Merlin’s hips, his mouth touching Merlin’s lips-overwhelmed his vision over and over again, making his stomach twists into tight, slick knots.

He was married and in love with his wife.

There had to be some explanation.

And there was Gwen’s sudden departure to Ealdor to add into the bargain.

~ ~***~~

Arthur recalled that Gwen was telling him she wanted to visit Merlin’s mother. Then giving Arthur a kiss on his cheek, she ensured him about her love and that she will always be his queen, no matter what. And with a small smile, she murmured something about giving him his chance and her consent to find a way to his true love.

 _What the hell was that?_ Supposedly, he might not have heard it right, because he was still half asleep.

******  
The second time he woke, it was to Merlin’s stupid ‘rise and shine’, that left him frowning into his pillow.

‘’Merlin," he whined, rapidly descending into a sulky toddler and not caring one bit because it only seemed to creep out if he was with Merlin. His nose buried into his pillow, he tried to indulge himself with a promise of five more minutes of sleep… until Merlin started to bubble about his duties.

‘’ _Merlin!_ ’’ He tried again, interrupting Merlin’s rant with a painful twitch- all too well used to his manservant's morning’s word-vomiting.

‘’Hmmm? Yeah….Where was I?”

And because Merlin was an insolent brat and totally ignorant to his King’s wish, he came over, stole Arthur's cover, and gave his royal shoulder a not too gentle squeeze.

‘’Come on Arthur, wake up, the time for sleep is over.’’ Merlin shouted loud enough for the dead to rise. Which made Arthur groan and flop over onto his back, all the while cursing Merlin with all he got.

‘’Leave me be.’’ Arthur groaned in pain, peaking up with one eye.

‘’Yes, sure, whatever you say.’’ The cheeky bastard said with a treasures laugh.

_Did he really ever let himself on, that in their relationship it was Merlin who was his servant?_

When Arthur opened his eyes fully; it was to see Merlin looking down at him, arching one expectant brow with a fond smile playing on his lips.

And though, Arthur usually tried to push that fact aside, he could admit as much, that over the years he developed a slight addition to that ridiculous smile. The one, that managed to transform Merlin’s whole face into something soft and shining. The one, that made Arthur smile back and though he was aware of how fond he must've looked, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Well...at least, not until his brain fired up enough to connect the dots, and make him acknowledge his status.

So he threw his pillow at Merlin and fussed and glared angrily at him, through the entire dressing routine. After that, he made him go through again the list of his meetings while shoveling his breakfast into his mouth. Eager at the prospect of a delay, he was hoping for Merlin to spill something on him as he usually does. But miraculously Merlin, incorrigibly clumsy Merlin, decided to be a faint example of a good servant. Though Arthur made sure to check it profusely, twice, being strongly disbelieved, there was no spill.

Then no matter how Arthur frowned, Merlin - whose heart certainly was made of stone- with a small push on Arthur's arm, made them head for the council room.

 _So, how is it that from that utterly normal, domestic morning this day became a complete chaos?,_ Arthur wondered, bringing himself back to the present.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When they entered Arthur’s chamber -more precisely, Arthur stormed in and Merlin followed- Arthur tried to undress with jerky movements, letting half his armor fall from his body like a discarded half of a shell. Giving up, he stood before the window and rubbed his temples with anger.

Patience might not usually be one of Arthur’s virtues, but what he lacked in that regard; he made it up in sheer stubbornness, while he tried to get rid of his armor on his own again.

Letting out a long sight, Merlin stepped up behind him, touching a hand to Arthur's shoulders to loosen the straps. ‘’You want to tell me what just happened out there?’’

‘’I don’t need your service tonight.’’ Arthur shot back, quickly and fiercely shaking Merlin's fingers off after he removed his armor.

Merlin felt the Pendragon temper rise.

Maybe It’d be a huge surprise to everybody else in Camelot, but Merlin, being the sole witness, is well used to the occasions when their cool headed, considerate and stoic King recesses into an overgrown, sulky child. And as Merlin came to realize, he has an enormous soft spot for that child. Because that part of Arthur is open and straightforward, brutally honest, compassionate and trusting... though a great deal intrusive and utterly selfish. Something about those qualities appeals to Merlin, and it is not the fact, he knows, he is the only one ever allowed to watch. Okay, maybe that’s a part of it.

‘’Why are you so pissed?’’

Arthur whirled back on him and snapped. ‘’I’m not pissed, yet. Believe me, you’ll know when I’ll be. Right now, I’m just asking you to leave.’’

And even though Merlin's own bubbling temper which was warring with amusement, it was fascinating to watch Arthur simmer and spew like an angry cat. Struggling to keep his face composed, Merlin tilted his head.

‘’What’s wrong Arthur? Why are you like some fire-breathing Amazon… _man_?’’

Arthur shut his eyes, evidently fighting back his rage. He looked like a volcano trying to cap itself. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on Merlin. The swirling fury in those blues buckled Merlin's knees. _Alright_.. _So much for a try._

When Arthur shifted into his path, Merlin was genuinely surprised.

‘’What is with you men and blocking my way today?’’ Merlin asked half annoyed and half curious.

………………..................................................................................................

‘’It doesn’t bother you, being stared and drooled over like that?’’ Arthur asked suddenly, out of the air.

The question was so unexpected Merlin took a slow, deliberate breath before he answered.

‘’Not especially.’’ He said slowly, gnawing on his lower lip, pretending to think some more about it.

 _Gwen does the same thing with her lips, but when she does, I’m not distracted at all. How is that?_ Arthur mused with a fleeting thought.

‘’So, you enjoy it.’’ He snapped annoyed, and he knew he was prodding where he'd no right. He knew that much, but he couldn’t stop.

Merlin only lifted a brow at the edge in Arthur’s voice. _Someone has to be calm,_ he told himself. Obviously, the way Arthur’s eyes were blazing it must be him.

‘’And if you enjoy it, you’d allow and you’d enjoy their –-‘’ Arthur broke off, staggered by what had nearly come out of his mouth. He’d had no idea it was in there.

Merlin didn’t so much as flinch. His chin rose in a gesture Arthur now recognized as an indicator of his temper simmering. But he stared at Arthur with cool and blank eyes.

‘’Now that you brought it up...’’ Merlin let it trail off with a lazy, careless shrug, despite the anger streaking through him. ‘’Though I fail to see how is that a business of yours.’’

Arthur caught the tone and with a glance the martial look in Merlin eyes.

‘’It’s not.’’ He barked. ’’Unless you behave like a man whore because you’d better get it through that thick head of yours that you are my manservant.’’

For an instant Arthur saw hurt mixed with rage in those too blue eyes. And it shamed him. He was about to apologize but it dried on his lip at Merlin's retort.

‘’Oh. That’s coming through loud and clear.’’ Merlin tossed back and there was only rage, viciously controlled. ‘’What’s next? You will choose who will be the one I’ll be allowed to bed?’’ He asked, angling his chin in fiery determination.

‘’Don’t you speak to me in that tone of voice.’’ His blood shimmering, his voice rising, Arthur demanded. ‘’And stop aiming that chin at me before I throw you to the stock.’’

Merlin watched, quietly fascinated as Arthur paced the room. He looked like a lion that’s just about to strike. ‘’And you should stop poke into my love life.’’

‘’Get out.’’ Arthur shouted, thumping his fist against the hard surface of the wall, better than throwing Merlin around.

And despite the shitty situation, Merlin felt somehow mesmerized; because the way Arthur’s lips peeled back, he wouldn’t have been surprised to see fangs.

‘’ I won’t.’’ He braced his hands on his hips and tilted his head to the side, expression caught somewhere between anxious, angry and confused. ’’ Not until you tell me why are you mad at me,’’ Merlin demanded. ’’I didn’t do anything to---‘’

‘’ No, you didn’t do a damn thing. You just keep getting yourself caught in a very compromising situation and damn near fucked in public as soon as I turn my head away.’’ Arthur cut in. ‘’Why the hell should that bother me?!’’

As soon as the words left his mouth Arthur knew they were cruel and unfair and vulgar and false and they should never have been directed at Merlin. And even though there was a voice in Arthur's head, telling him he should apologize, he couldn’t. It was like a dam broke inside him and the destructive flooding carried a raging need to hurt because for reasons unbeknown to him, he was bloody hurt, his chest tight and his heart felt funny.

Something stuttered around Merlin’s heart. He wouldn't be surprised if it was bleeding from the stab of Arthur’s barb. He could control his voice, but he was certain, Arthur could see he was shattered.

 _Could there have been a worse, most inappropriate time_ , Merlin wondered ironically, _for him to realize, how hopelessly in love he was with the bastard?_

‘’That’s the way you think of me.’’ Merlin states-asked, even to his own ear sounding broken and sad.

They stared at each other for long seconds, Merlin felt like eons.

Arthur opened his mouth and realized he could think of nothing to say. Because If he said the words choking his throat, he’d fall to pieces.

Merlin bit his lips, clenched his fists against the small tremors in his hands and the hurt in his chest. The thought of it, just the thought of it, that Arthur could possibly really meant the words, made his blood ice over. So, he waited for some kind of explanation.

But Arthur said nothing, he just stood there, jaw clenched, fingers biting into the bedpost so hard, Merlin feared it might crack.

The air was taut and crackling with static.

Merlin took a shuddering breath. He’d be damned if he’d let Arthur see how much he’d wounded him where he’d never expected to be wounded. Not by him.

 _Right._..

***

The change in Merlin’s demeanor was abrupt and alarming. His back snapped straight, the blood drained from his pale face and the hurt in his eyes sliced through Arthur like a blade: splitting him in two, one part fury, one part misery. His eyes still locked on Merlin's face, Arthur took a cautious step toward him.

‘’Merlin,’’ he creaked, and he stopped cold when Merlin backed off. Knowing it'd do no good.

Merlin smiled, but it never reached his eyes, which were no longer hot but level and cool...Too cool. '‘Oh, that’s what bothers you... The reflection it has on you.’’

 _Who the hell is this man_ , Arthur wondered with a kind of panic. He hated that too stiff, straight back. He never realized how much he preferred Merlin’s anger over this calculated, cold distance.

‘’ Excuse me, your Highness. I must apologize.’’ Merlin went on, for the first time ever with a recent bow. ‘’ I apologize for stepping over the line. My Lord. ‘’

The strain of manners was tearing at Arthur’s stomach. Merlin never called him like that unless they were in public and he knew, he must obey the rules. But he called him Sire in private when he wanted to be a brat in that tone of voice - that barest hint of sarcasm. And Arthur must admit how not only he expected but liked it, every time Merlin was sulking or fighting him over something.

But not Arthur, no Sire this time. It made Arthur desperate to reach out and pull Merlin back. The space between them felt painful, it made Arthur ache in his bones, muscles and in his chest. How odd that he hadn’t realized that, either, until this moment, how cold, how miserable and alone he felt- as soon as Merlin’s attitude changed. And, hell, it was frightening and demoralizing to realize, how strong he had that craving, that vulnerable need inside.

‘’I won’t make the same mistake again.’’ Merlin continued, ice dripping from his words. He felt very calm, very empty and very fragile. He feared if Arthur touched him now, he would've cracked like a dropped glass. ‘’Next time I try to hold back until we’ll get into private before I let anybody between my legs.’’

It was difficult for Arthur to combat the shaking of his hands as his body trembled with barely suppressed rage. It was difficult, all but impossible, to not visualize what Merlin said. He felt a tide of red overwhelming his mind, picturing somebody’s hands spreading Merlin's long, white thighs.

For an instant Merlin saw nothing but Arthur’s face: pale, hard as a rock, eyes fired like torches and sharp enough to murder in one vicious slice.

The pound of his heart was a frantic beat in his ears.

The next second Merlin debated running out of the room and slamming the door behind, hoping to wake up tomorrow, and having all this be nothing more than a weird, frightening dream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He might have had a chance if he’d moved sooner.

A slim one.

But Arthur moved with vicious speed, and Merlin was slammed into the wall, inches off the ground, Arthur’s hands like a vise on his body and Arthur’s lips on his, teeth scrapping his bottom lip before Merlin could draw a second breath.

No room for reasons, not for tenderness, Arthur’s mouth was fire on his. All of that iron-minded control and blew up power suddenly on him and Merlin's pulse rocketed beneath his skin from the unexpected arousal.

It was teeth and nails, bites and tangled tongues what drove them into a frenzied and frantic need over the edge of reason and pride. Merlin's brain was a chaos of want and heat and wounded pride. Rocked to the core, he gripped Arthur’s hips, fingers digging into muscled flesh. Arthur was moving against him, sliding, rocking, turning him to iron.

...

Arthur couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, just battered himself mindlessly into Merlin, pushing him into the wall. Both his mouth and hands were hard, raging in possessiveness.

His hands streaked under Merlin’s shirt, exploring the skin there, then sneaked down under his pants to grab his ass. The flesh in Arthur's greedy hands was firm, smooth and hot. The heat burning through him engulfed him like a fire in the wood. Each rough, impatient touch sent fresh shocks of desire through his body.

He wanted to taste Merlin's skin, craved it with mindless hunger. His heart pounding in his ears, his mouth released Merlin's to slid down onto his throat. There was a hiss of sound, and it took a long moment and an annoyed huff of disagreement for him to realize, that it was Merlin’s neckerchief tearing in his hands. Pressing his lips on Merlin's pale neck, Arthur captured the delicate skin between his teeth.

‘’Mine.’’ He ground, sucking in deliberate marks.

"Oh, well...” Merlin’s gasp sounded stunned.

"You are mine, Merlin." Arthur marked him with a bite. Merlin breathed a strangled sound against his ear, and Arthur bit down harder. ‘’Only Mine.’’

Blind with need, Arthur could only think of branding Merlin his. He had to claim him and he had to know that Merlin was as helpless, as unable to stop, as pathetically needy as him.

And he could feel the need riot through Merlin’s quivering body as he crushed him even closer. Claiming Merlin's lips, he could taste Merlin's need through every tremble of his lips, each time he dragged Merlin's mouth back. He knew, by the way Merlin's heart raced against his, that whatever it was that raced through him, raced through Merlin as well.

But he had to see him, see Merlin's eyes.

His breath was ragged and he gulped for air when he jerked back his head. "Look at me." Arthur's voice came out raw, brittle, like broken glass, ‘’You just look at me.’’

Those sky blue eyes opened and Arthur... _well._... he was lost.

………...................................................................

His heart stuttered than kept up to lodge in his throat, making it ache and tight.

His love for Merlin swamped him. All but destroyed him.

Arthur realized in that exact moment, how much he not only liked or genuinely loved this man but…. _Oh. God!_ \- how devastatingly in love he was with him.

Shutting his eyes Arthur buried his face in Merlin's messy, ebony hair, trying to process that major discovery, his tensed fingers going limp on Merlin's body. 

Of course, Arthur almost laughed out from its simplicity.

Of course, he was in love with Merlin. He fell in love with him in the minute they met, maybe even before that.

The feelings were floating up from deep, deep down, from the deepest crevices of Arthur's soul, banned there, out of consciousness. But they were always present, in every sight, every touch, every jealous feel and every thought of fierce protectiveness.

There was no point of denying it anymore. The damage was done.

He was in love with his manservant.

That’s what Gwen tried to tell him. That’s the reason she left, giving him time and space to find out.

About his true love.

How could he be so oblivious to his own feelings? He really is a big clotpole Merlin always calls him.

 _"Merlin,"_ The name melted his tongue as he said it out aloud. ''Merlin,'' he repeated, nosing the smooth skin of Merlin's neck.

_The love of his life._

The thrill of its meaning sprinted through him, something hot blossomed in his chest then settled, deep and warm.

Arthur was in awe and wonder as he’s began to form some kind of sense of what it felt like to have one's chest filled and overflowed with love. And though the desire remained, burning and demanding, everything in him softened. He felt tenderness, so strong, so unexpected.

“ _Merlin_ ” He said again, his voice slurring slightly, turning into husky whisper as he breathed in the other man's scent.

He trailed his mouth over Merlin’s neck in soft, gentle kisses, over his jaw, cheeks and eyes, wrapping himself around Merlin in a possessive hug.

He held him tight but no fumbling, no grabbing this time. His hand skimmed lightly up Merlin’s spine, over his long, lovely, clumsy arms. He cupped Merlin's face in gentle hands, thumbs stroking over delicate cheekbones. And leaning in again slow and soft, he kissed again that so long craved, beautiful mouth.

Merlin opened for him as if he’d touched him hundreds of times. The press of Merlin's body against his, every firm curve, every sharp angle, every taste a homecoming.

He tangled his fingers in Merlin’s hair, slowly tugging his head closer to savor. And as Merlin’s mouth moved warm, needy on his, Arthur discovered what it was to be savored in return.

After long minutes, slowly, more than a bit hazy, Arthur drew back, cradling Merlin's head.

It struck him, hard, that he'd never in his life had anything more precious. There were no words, none strong enough to tell how much Merlin mattered.

~~***~~

Merlin never thought in his life he’d be kissed like that. Of all the people in the world he’d be kissed like that by Arthur.

He felt the change in Arthur and it made him weak and woozy, his blood shimmered and his heart surrounded.

When Arthur pulled back and looked into his eyes, what he saw there; made his heart stutter.

Neither of them needed words.

Merlin felt treasured.

~°~

"For God’s sake Merlin, you are driving me crazy.’’ Arthur moaned, thumping his forehead against Merlin's.

"That’s always my first plan in the morning." Merlin’s smile was slow and soft and just a tiny bit teasy.

‘’You most definitely succeeded, because if I can’t have you tonight, I’d be insane by morning.’’ Arthur whispered hotly, running his hands down on Merlin’s sides.

‘’Won’t be much change then.’’ Merlin said laughing.

‘’ _Merlin!_ ’’ Arthur groaned, warning. Heightened, urged, he grabbed Merlin's hand. ‘’Get a blanket.’’

‘’ A blanket.’’

‘’I want you in the woods.’’ Arthur stated simply.

Swallowing tightly, Merlin wet his lips. _It’s answer enough_ , Arthur thought and pulled Merlin in for an other searing kiss. "I think I’ve always wanted you in the woods.’’ He cracked.

Reeling from ten years’ worth kiss, Merlin stared at Arthur, incredulous. ‘’This was the real reason for all your stupid hunting trips?’’ he asked, brows reaching his hairline.

‘’ Oh just shut up.’’ Arthur tugged at Merlin's hair.

In the next second he was in the middle of the room, all business again, throwing things into his bag with single minded determination.

"That’s definitely the right words to keep my libido up.’’ Merlin murmured with sarcasm.

Arthur stopped and pinned Merlin with a pointed look. One eyebrow arched, he licked his lips, eyes full of power and sex.

Merlin swallowed hard.

With his annoyingly inhuman speed Arthur lunged, his hands fisted in Merlin's hair and kissed him insane again.

 _Alright, no more libido problems_ , Merlin thought with weak knees.

Arthur looked over at Merlin's face and flashed his teeth. ‘’Better.’’

Eyes shiny, impatient and edgy, he was dragging Merlin towards the door.

Merlin caught his hand.

‘’ Arthur we can’t.’’

Arthur let out a painful breath. ‘’Shall I fix your libido again?’’ He asked, leaning closer.

"No. Thank you very much. My libido is alright, no need to shoot them to the stars." Merlin rambled. "But what about Gwen Arthur, you are her husband, we can’t do that to her.’’

Arthur laughed at that.

 _Was Arthur telling the truth about having gone insane,_ Merlin thought suspicious, giving Arthur assessing looks.

"I always told you she is a remarkable woman. She knows Merlin.’’ Arthur said with a small, slow smile, shaking his head in disbelieve. "She knew it long before I realized. She told me as much in the morning of her departure. She gave us her consent. Now, come on!’’

Merlin was trying to process this information through his astonishment. He was so engaged in his thoughts he let himself hauled away by Arthur, never realizing how they got into the woods, under the canopy of a tree. When he got back from his foggy mind, Arthur was flipping down the blanket and lightening candles.

Before Merlin could raise a brow, Arthur glanced up with a frown. "What?! I want to see you.’" He clarified, matter-of-fact.

_Did he ever think Arthur wasn’t a romantic?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a single, predatory movement Arthur pounced. He curled over Merlin, kissed him deep and filthy, his hands everywhere at once, tugging Merlin's shirt over his head and tossing it aside.

_Bloody Hell, he’d meant to seduce Merlin, to take him slowly apart. He hadn’t meant to eat him alive._

_..._

Arthur caught him off guard for the umpteenth time this evening. Merlin had no idea, that after all these years; Arthur could still catch him off guard. But he was in Arthur’s hands, those strong, wide palms all over his body, and being thoroughly kissed before he could blink. Arthur was swinging him around so his body cushioned his, and to Merlin’s giddy amazement they landed on the blanket.

Arthur rolled over him and with a gentle hand to his chest, he pushed Merlin firmly down onto the blanket. He slid his hands lower over Merlin's knees, making him bend and open his legs. He knelt between Merlin's tights and looked down into Merlin's face, and for seconds just looked, his blue eyes too wide, feverishly bright. His gaze flicked and slowly strayed over Merlin's bare chest.

The oath, shuttering through Arthur's lips was brief and reverent.

When his eyes flipped back to search Merlin's face, Merlin recognized the fresh, wild desire bolted back into Arthur's darkened gaze.

And he reveled in it. He had always been shy of his body, too gawky-too bony-too long. But now, watching the way Arthur looked at him, with sizzling, hungry eyes- - Merlin felt desired.

Looking a bit fascinated, Arthur’s hands framed his face. His fingers traced Merlin's cheekbones, brushing over his forehead, eyes, and nose. They were traveling down through Merlin's neck, along his side to hip, then up again over the quivered muscle of his stomach. On the end of journey, Arthur's fingers spread wide on the skin over Merlin's heart and Merlin's chest rose and fell in small pants, his feelings mirrored in Arthur’s shaking hands.

‘’ God, you are beautiful.’’ Arthur’s voice was hoarse and thick and Merlin couldn’t help the blush. Something kindled inside him, simmering with desire and flamed around his heart.

‘’ And you are still overdressed.’’ He said once he found his voice, his smile slow and more confident than he really felt. With his eyes on Arthur's face, he sat up, hooked his hands under Arthur’s shirt and expertly freed him of it. And though he saw Arthur’s bare chest countless times, it still did things to him, making him crave to touch. But like reading his thought, it was Arthur who gasped.

‘’ Touch me.’’ His voice was raw and rough. ‘’Touch me, Merlin.’’

So he touched.

Explored it inch by inch. His hands slid over strong muscles on Arthur’s chest, his back, over hills and valleys of lower back, then swept down to fondle that beautiful ass-making Arthur close his eyes and suck in his breath in the process.

‘’ You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.’’ Merlin whispered into Arthur’s skin, pressing his lips to Arthur's neck, nipping at his skin. He dragged his teeth over Arthur’s collarbone, then lapped his tongue down and over that perfect chest.

" Merlin," Arthur hissed, his breath caught on two indrawn gasps. .

The sound of it, the taste of him and the way Arthur’s heart pounded like a thunder under his lips, burned Merlin with love and yearning.

In one fluid movement Arthur curled his fingers into Merlin’s hair to drag his mouth to his, tipping him down on his back, trapping Merlin's body with his.

***

Arthur watched those soulful eyes glaze, felt the moans of pleasure in his mouth as his lips fed on Merlin’s and his blood stirred. Basking in Merlin’s beautiful responsiveness and the taste of his mouth, Arthur kissed him with a fervor that made his own head spun. He rushed his lips down over the line of Merlin’s throat, down to his chest, a small smile curving his lips at the way Merlin’s hands clutched at his shoulders.

Merlin's skin was as smooth as he imagined it'd be. It was scented with the unique mix of earth, wood and herbs which always seemed to clung to him, and just how many times, tempted Arthur's senses.

So finally free to taste, Arthur feasted.

Merlin’s nipples already tight buds, he nipped and sucked them. Merlin's breath hitched, ‘’Arthur,’’ he panted, grabbing hold of Arthur’s biceps, fingers biting into his flesh.

Arthur let his mouth, wet and open, slide all over Merlin’s chest, and Merlin's heartbeat raced under his lips. Kissing his way down, his teeth sunk into muscled, sensitive flesh of Merlin’s stomach. His tongue teased until Merlin was warm and trembling with want, his breath came in tearing gasps.

He was nosing at the line of hair under Merlin's navel and Merlin arched his back, his hands fumbling in Arthur's hair, then those incredibly long fingers hooked over his shoulders. Merlin was bucking desperately, his body strained, pulsed beneath Arthur's lips.

He was so wonderfully sensitive, Arthur felt flames leaping and burning inside him. Merlin’s responsive body heightened his arousal to the point it was almost unbearable. The thought that anybody could see Merlin like this…

Blinded with hunger, his blood shimmering with jealousy Arthur wanted more, wanted Merlin naked and screaming his name.

His hands skimmed possessively along Merlin’s sides, over his hips, yanking down Merlin's pants. His mouth chasing after them, his teeth scraped over Merlin's hipbones. When his hands freed Merlin of the last of his cloth and boots, he looked down, and the punch of heat in his gut caught his breath.

His heart pounded against his ribs as his eyes feasted on the sight.

Here he was, naked, needy and exposed, the desire of his ten years. All long, seductive lean lines, flawless, pale skin- looking almost eerie in the moonlight. Merlin's cock was thick and full, rigid with attention. The head pink and shining with precome.

Arthur's mouth watered. It took a minute to remember how to take a breath. "You are the most painfully beautiful thing I have ever seen." He whispered with a shaky breath.

His hands skimmed up, from ankle to knee, stroking his fingers along those wonderful, pale limbs then followed with his lips.

Never in his life had he known such magic and generosity of love as the one he felt for this man, while his mouth was sliding over Merlin's beautiful, trembling tights. His teeth grazed the skin in the crease of Merlin's thigh, sucking a mark there, his cheek brushing Merlin's dick.

‘’Whoa, Arthur stop it. One more touch and I’ll be gone.’’ Merlin moaned, scratching at Arthur's back.

Darkly pleased, Arthur lifted his head and looked into Merlin's desire clouded eyes, his fingers curled around the base of Merlin’s cock… then he used his mouth.

…………..............................................

Arthur’s lips slid over his cock, taking his length into his mouth; and Merlin’s head fell back with an awed rumble as a hot-whited pleasure coursed up his spine. He trembled and gasped from the wet heat surrounding him, with a fair amount of bewilderment thrown in it.

_God...It was Arthur and Arthur’s royal mouth, wet and hot, that closed around his cock._

Arthur replaced his mouth with his hand and glanced up.

‘’Look at me Merlin.’’ He demanded husky.

Staring down into those blazing, passion darkened eyes and Merlin felt he could come from just that what he saw on Arthur’s face.

Eyes holding his, Arthur fisted around the base and flicked out his tongue to lick a slow, long stripe along his length- wrenching out a choked off cry of Merlin's chest.

‘’Tell me you are mine, Merlin.’’ Arthur demanded, fixing him with a burning look while he was slowly swirling his tongue around the head of Merlin's cock.

Merlin let out a sobbing breath, “Yes.’’ Arthur tongued the slid and sucked lightly on the head, and Merlin could barely keep his eyes open. ‘’Yes, I am.’’ He choked. ‘’I am yours. I always have been Arthur.’’

Arthur’s eyes softened but for some reason, the bastard was still not satisfied, because he blew hot breath on his cock, but apart from that, his eyes were unblinkingly fixed on Merlin's face.

‘’Promise me from now on-nobody, but me-touches you again.’’

‘’ Yes, Alright.’’

Merlin sighed in bliss when at last Arthur parted his lips, bent his head and sucked hard on the head, then his lips slid down again over his throbbing cook. Letting out a shuddering breath Merlin's eyes fluttered closed and his head fell down as his pleasure overtook him.

Arthur’s lips slid up and down, using his tongue, licking and sucking, he was stripping away Merlin's breath and his cognizance.

When Arthur's nose nuzzled into his pubic bone, he slid his arms under Merlin’s hips to keep it in place and swallowed him down to the root.

‘’ Holy shit.’’ Merlin yelped and tried not to buck as Arthur consumed him up. The pleasure was so intense he saw stars going off his vision.

‘’You taste delicious.’’ Arthur hummed satisfied, the sound reverberating through Merlin's cock, a delicious vibration that made his spine turn into jelly. ‘’I want to taste your come,’’ Arthur said, just like that, with his usual arrogance.

Merlin gasped then gulped, ‘’God, Arthur.’’

‘’Alright. You can call me that.’’ Arthur’s teasing voice was a low purr around Merlin's shaft. Then he popped off his mouth, slowly licked along the side and added with a roguish smile. ‘’ If I knew all it took, to make you show respect….’’ he rumbled, voice deep and full of promise.

Merlin was about to fire back when he realized his brain cells left, and the remaining few were vacated with the feels Arthur’s devious mouth did on his cock when it resumed it's job.

Arthur redoubled his efforts, sucking hard, he used his tongue and lips for best effect. He pumped and sucked, licked and hummed with the bloody-minded determination and intensity he did everything once his mind was set up- In this case with the singular goal of making Merlin come. And Merlin couldn’t help but buck his hips into the perfect heat and suction of that beautiful mouth. His hands grabbed Arthur’s hair and slid down to his face, his fingers tracing over Arthur's hollowed cheeks.

He looked down and couldn’t tear his eyes away. Mesmerized, he watched Arthur’s red, swollen lips move up and down on his shaft, with incredible skill ripping him apart.

_Bloody hell, he was going to have wet dreams for years to come._

He touched the tip of his fingers to that luscious, talented, red mouth, and when Arthur groaned around his cock, he fell apart.

He cried out, bucking hard, pouring into Arthur’s mouth. His pleasure exploded inside him like a lighting, overwhelming every bit of his senses. His body jerked from the unrelenting force of his orgasm, he was sure his bones melted. He felt Arthur swallow him down, his tongue lapping around him for the last drops of his cum.

Wrung out, he collapsed back onto the blanket, panting and dazed, and not altogether sure whether he was only dreaming one of his impossible, painful fantasies - which has been plaguing him for years - or not.

……………………………

Pulling of him, Arthur’s eyes shone and he chuckled at the way Merlin’s body went boneless.

He slid up on Merlin's body and cupped Merlin's face, then leaning forward, he kissed his forehead. ‘’I’m not done with you, yet.’’ He threatened.

His body still reeling from his orgasm, Merlin gave a small smile and closing his eyes, he leaned his cheek into Arthur’s palm. ''I‘d never have thought your big mouth was so talented apart from your insult.’’

Arthur pulled back and looked down into Merlin's face, his brow crinkling a little at the implied compliment. ‘’You alright? It must have hit you really hard.’’ Arthur said, but he couldn't hide the smile in his eyes and the twitching of his lips.

He stroked his thumb at the corner of Merlin's mouth, then brushed it over Merlin's lower lip, then with a groan he leaned down and captured Merlin's lips with his.

Moaning, the sound curling around Merlin's name, he slid his tongue along Merlin's lips to coax them open. Pushing his tongue inside, Arthur was holding Merlin's face between his palms as he plundered Merlin's mouth, slow and lush and deep.

Both of them were breathing heavily by the time it ended and Arthur lifted his head. Yeah, really talented.

When Merlin opened his eyes, startlingly blue, passion darkened eyes blazed down into his.

‘’I'm going to taste you--’’ Arthur said sinuous, voice gone octaves deeper, ''every inch of you, the way no one ever has.''

Merlin’s eyes widened, he stared, then swallowed hard, "Oh,"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but on an other site I had to remove the detailed explicit scenes of this fic, so I removed it from here too.  
> I hope you'll still like it.;-)

Later. _Much-much_ later they're lying on their sides, curled around one another in the dark when Arthur says, “Merlin.”

“Mmmm.” The murmur that emerges is sleepy and sated, and Arthur loves the sound of it.

‘’Are you ever going to tell me about?’’

‘’ Tell about what?’’

Arthur takes a deep, steady breath, hands closing tighter around Merlin. ‘’ About your magic.’’

Merlin’s body jerks, then goes rigid, and he flinches away. But Arthur expected this, and his arms fasten over Merlin's back, throwing his left tights around Merlin's waist, he crushes him into his body. Dropping kisses on the top of Merlin's head, he just holds him close until he feels some of the tension melt away.

After long minutes, Merlin sighs defeated, ‘’How long?’’ he murmurs into Arthur’s neck.

‘’For a while. I mean I understand you couldn’t tell me while my Father lived, but you have had plenty of time since.’’

Merlin’s silent for a long time, and Arthur swallows silently and gathers him even closer.

‘’I always wanted to tell you Arthur but somehow there never has been a right time for that.’’ Merlin’s voice is sad and broken on Arthur's chest when he speaks at last.

‘’You could have told me anytime since my father died.’’ Arthur retorts, not quite able to keep the resentment out of his voice.

Merlin tenses again and Arthur could feel as Merlin's pulse jumps up, a clear indicator of his temper rising.

Defensive. Ready.

Merlin snaps back his head and for the first time since this conservation began incredulous, angry eyes burn into Arthur's. ‘’Explain me your concept of proper time. Before or after your coronation, or your marriage or during breakfast. Good morning Arthur. How would you like your breakfast. Luke warm or magic warmed?’’

Arthur just nods. His mouth twitches. Then he chuckles. ‘’ That’s fair.’’ The tightness in his chest loosens and he tugs on Merlin's head and kisses him slow and deep and thoroughly. Because as he came to realize that’s the most efficient ( and enjoyable and… ) way to silence him.

Merlin smiles against his mouth, “Hmm, I should still throw you off me, maybe with magic, for not telling me that you knew.”

Arthur makes a face at him, hands stroking over Merlin’s back. ‘’I should have you thrown into the dungeon for lying to your King.’’

‘’Maybe, after all, I turn you into a frog.’’

‘’And right after you're going to kiss me, to turn me back.’’

Arching an eyebrow, ‘’I’m not sure about that," Merlin says with false consideration. ‘’Though, you are lucky I like your ass.’’ His hands drifting down to slide them over Arthur's naked flesh, and Arthur's breath catches and his muscles clench under Merlin's fingers.

"It is a pretty good ass," He states simply, enjoying the way Merlin rolls his eyes. ’’ But you would.... because you like my face, you find me handsome... and my mouth---’’ He opens his mouth against Merlin’s neck, lets his tongue taste and suck a mark and hears the hitch in Merlin’s breathing….’’--and my hands.’’ He reaches around to palm Merlin’s rapidly growing erection and is rewarded with an open-mouthed gasp.

‘’ What makes you think so? I’ve never said that.’’ Merlin retorts with a catching breath.

But the now rock hardness inside Arthur’s hand and Merlin's sharp pants doesn’t bode well for his words, and Arthur is going to prove what a big, fat lie it is for the next hour or so.  
………………….

Arthur lied awake for a while staring into the night, wondering.

‘’Merlin,’’ he began ‘’tell me something about what have you done, using your magic.’’

Merlin stuttered out a painful growl, sounding like, "Now?!’’

‘’Yes.’’

So he told some. Oh, there was plenty he was skimming over, Arthur thought. Miles of road Merlin didn’t take him with. But for now, Arthur was satisfied with mere detours. There is time aplenty to join Merlin on that route.

A big, proud smile spread on Arthur's face even as he shook his head in awe, and his chests filled with a warm glow of a pride. He smiled at the thought what they might together achieve.

………………..

Arthur awoke with a moan and flung his arm over his eyes to shield from the blast of sunlight. He felt the strengths beaming through the spring leaves, and the chill of the early breeze. His eyes still shielded, he stretched, and his body felt as though he’d ridden a wild horse over a rocky mountain.

And then, he remembered, he’d pretty much done just that.

He closed his eyes and his lips curved as the night reeled through his mind. Now in the daylight, Arthur found it hard to believe what he had done to Merlin, what Merlin allowed him to do– and what Merlin had done to him, and he had allowed for him to do in return. Yet, Oddly enough, this kind of openness came completely natural with Merlin.

Arthur remembered with a slight blush, how he had ached and trembled and hungered.

He had Merlin two times that night, and Merlin had him once, because he wanted to be filled by him, and he'd never felt more complete in his life than when Merlin entered him. It wasn't only that they had to make up for lost time: He’d proved to be insatiable where Merlin was concerned.

Arthur had lovers before Gwen -- some had passed through, some had stirred his blood.

He loved Gwen and adored and desired her body… But never had he felt such outrageous, insatiable hunger what churned through him for Merlin.

It was a wonderful shock to realize he had a bottomless well of passion if it came to him. Like his libido had been nothing more than a dry timber set to the torch with the slightest touch of Merlin, flaming out everything but pulsing, grappling need. Arthur never knew such intimacy and mindless hunger. Never knew what he was capable of with the right… partner. He had never imagined himself be so dazed, so weak-kneed as Merlin made him from just by looking at his face. He never was so exposed, never allowed himself to be so completely naked, body and soul before anyone.

Yet he’d never felt safer.

‘’Good morning.’’ Merlin’s sleepy rumble drew him back from his thoughts.

Arthur made a long, contented sound and last opened his eyes.

Merlin was stretching beside him lazily, looking like a cat, waiting to be stroked. So Arthur sat up and pleasured himself with a long study and a slow stroke of his hands over Merlin's long, lean body in the sunlight.

His blood was already heating.

He looked away into Merlin's face, and was shaken all over again.

He couldn't help the unfurl of warmth in his chest, the bubble of heat that worked up his throat. Arthur felt his mouth curving up in a small, fond smile as he reached out and ruffled his fingers through Merlin's messy hair. He was fascinated by the way Merlin's dark hair was a tousled mess from sleep and from his hands, with the sleepy smile in Merlin's eyes, with the curve of those luscious lips.

He wondered if there was any other person in the world, lucky enough to wake to such a sight.

Merlin was staring at him too, his eyes sweeping slowly over Arthur's features, face softening into a tender smile, ‘’You look good in the morning,’’ he murmured sleepily, reaching out for him. ''Naked and rumpled without your prattiness.’’

With a little laugh Arthur looked down into those blue eyes, heavy and touched with humor. ‘’You love my prattiness.’’ Leaning back, he turned onto his side and linked his arms around Merlin's body, burying his face into the crook of Merlin’s neck. His lips tasted the skin there, then they lingered.. so soft and warm.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ He murmured to Merlin's neck, his fingers slowly carding through Merlin's messy hair.

‘’Like I spent the night having wild sex in the woods." Merlin chuckled. ’’Repeatedly. How about you?’’

‘’The same here.’’

''I don’t suppose we could stay here forever,’’ Merlin said with a sight, his arms straying around Arthur.

‘’No. But we can come back.’’ ’’Arthur gathered him closer and held him tight, then made a noise in his throat somewhere between a grunt and an audible sigh. ‘’We should go before they’ll be looking for us and somebody’ll find us like that.’’

‘’ All right.’’ Merlin hummed, clutching Arthur even closer.

Arthur caught Merlin’s face in his hands, drew back his head and crushed his mouth desperately over Merlin's.

‘’Merlin,’’

‘’Hmm?’’

‘’Just once more,’’ Arthur purred as he rolled over him.

…………………....................................

 

It didn't seem to matter that he told himself it was ridiculous. That it was stupid and sentimental.

He couldn't help it.

He reached out his hand for Merlin's on their way back to Camelot. He saw a flash of surprise in Merlin's eyes and the tiny confused frown forming between his eyes. When he brought their joined hands to his lips and nipped lightly at Merlin's fingers, he enjoyed Merlin's double take.

Walking hand in hand with Merlin through the woods, Arthur felt aware of every beam of sunlight, every scent, every sound.

 _Love_ , Arthur mused, honed the senses.

How did he become a starry-eyed, fumbling fool in the span of a single day? Here he was, behaving like a complete and total idiot, defying every picture anybody ever had of strong-handed Kings, fearsome warriors and cool-headed knights by clutching the hand of his manservant like his life depended on it ( which just really might) while they walked, and for some reason he couldn't care less.

He never felt happier.

And fine, maybe there was a tiny - enormous - part of him that wanted to whack the love of his life over the head for good measure because he kept flicking glances at him, regarding him with an odd, careful look, asking without words. _'Have you lost your mind?_ ' (Though Arthur was certain he had. Ten years ago in the lower market when he looked into these ridiculously blue eyes for the first time.)

The only reason he didn't succumb to that urge was because, well… obviously, you shouldn't smack the person on his head whom you are….

''You are being courted.'' He blurted out with all the determination and sincerity of a five years old child.

''Am I?'' Merlin asked, eyebrows delicately rising, lips twitching.

''We are developing a relationship here.''

''Do we?'' and there was definitely a laugh in his voice.

At that, Arthur flexed his muscles, his gaze fierce, he looked at Merlin with an expression practically challenging him to find fault with his explanation of things or not to take him seriously.

''We _do_.'' He stopped short on their track. ''And it means, among others of course, if I ever see somebody's else hands on you again in a more than strictly friendly way, it'll get messy when I break them in half.''

''Oh, of all your big headed--''

''And cut them into--''

''Stop it.'' Merlin blew out a heated breath. '' I don't think that's the way you court someone, you idiot,'' he said with a long suffering sigh.

Then a tiny smile touched the corner of his mouth even as he shook his head. '' I wonder if there was another person ever, who was courted by a lover, with a snarl on his face and eyes that threatened to murder.''

Arthur gave a huff, shifted his weight and scratched his head. ''It's not?"

'' No. Definitely not the right way Arthur.'' Merlin sighed with exasperation. Though the way his eyes crinkled up with a badly suppressed smile and his face gone soft and tender, his visual words clearly said. ' _But I wouldn't have it any other way, you prat.'_

'' Come here, you big oaf'' Merlin husked, and bending his head he kissed Arthur lightly. Then picking up their still clutched hands, he kissed the back of Arthur's fingers, and Arthur felt dozens of wounds heal and he no longer felt foolish.

But nobody could say he was one to back up of a challenge, he leaned toward Merlin and said, close to his ear.

'' What about if I tell you ..'' His voice went from hesitant to low and sexy in an instant, as he breathed Merlin's smell in and his lip touched the outer shell of his lovely, big ear. "I want you every time I see you. I want you when I don't see you. I want you even after I've had you. And I wanted and will always want only you. I lose my mind when I touch you. You obsess me, make me weak and strong at the same time the way no one and nothing ever had.''

And he was rewarded with a quick quiver of Merlin's hand in his and a little catch in his breathing.

'' How about that for a courting,'' Arthur asked, raising one eyebrow in challenge as he pulled back his head. ''You see. It's working. You just went all dreamy eyed.'' He goaded, flashing a victorious, sly grin at Merlin.

A rare, breath-taking smile made its own debut on Merlin's face.

The humor faded from Arthur's eyes.

He felt like some brilliant bolt of lightning blasted through him from that smile. His heart had skipped a beat and he swallowed hard.

Merlin was beautiful.

And yes, he made Arthur feel like a fumbling fool. But he was Merlin's foul and he'd bring the very stars down to keep it in that way.

Love -as Merlin said once- makes you do strange things.

Arthur'd never understood how vitally entwined the soul and body were, until now. And now, with Merlin in his arms, Arthur understands it would never be possible to separate again. Not with Merlin. And he wants and has always wanted only him.

And if Merlin was walking with a little limp on the way back, nobody should be the wiser about... and for the first time ever Arthur wasn't jealous.

 


End file.
